Pleased With Himself

When I arrived at the home to see dad today, he was sound asleep!  I was filled in by the care aides that he had been up all morning; walking and participating in activities.  He had been sitting next to one of the aides during the crossword activity, and it was relayed back to me, "Your dad, he is an intelligent man."  Oh yes, that's my dad!  I waited for dad to wake up, and it wasn't until I started to write him a note, and turned around to check on him that he woke up.  He was looking at me with one eye open.  "Hi."  Hi.  We got him up then, and he was keen to walk!  His walker was wheeled around in front of him, and if we didn't walk down to the end of the hall and back to the activities room!  With Parkinson's, he has problems with scissor steps... crossing his feet over one another.  However... I cannot believe the determination, considering it is coming up to a year ago that he had that final fall that took him off his feet for good.  I looked over at him while he was walking, and he had a little grin on his face.  Aw! 

I had visited in the morning last week, as there was a food meeting that I wanted to sit in on.  Dad was sitting out in the garden with some of the other residents, some papers were on hand but I'm not sure dad was reading them!  Anyway, they commented to me that he likes to sit in the sun.  Oh yes, that's one of the reasons why we moved here!  I was reminded of funny stories of mom and dad... they liked to go to White Rock beach and sit in the car in the sunshine... usually it was too breezy and windy on the beach to really enjoy it!  Last summer when I took dad down there for fish and chips on Canada Day; we got back to the car and it was nice and toasty in the black Honda.  Dad said to me, "Oooo... can we just sit here for a few minutes?"  Um.  Sure.  Uh oh... you know you're old when!

Seeing dad sitting in the sun, enjoying the heat on his back reminds me that we do need to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.  There is much to take pleasure in, and maybe it's only when we slow down and stop that we can appreciate the small things.

All is well in Rose Bay for the time being... thanks for reading!  Donna

A Busy Week

The busy week that was.  There was no less than three afternoon appointments with dad last week, plus we bid adieu to my brother who is off on his second motorbike tour... this time he is touring around North America.  Busy to say the least.
Friday was one of those "bottom fell out of the wet paper bag" days.  The weather was not much help... I had to walk up and back to dad's place in gale force winds and rain.  We had a routine appointment with the neurologist... but it seemed to take forever to get up to the clinic and back.  Everything else that could go wrong did go wrong.  In the end, we were fine... but I just had flashbacks to all those days on end of taking care of dad.  The good news was, he is responding well to the Excelon patch... you will find the original story from April here.  The patch is used in Alzheimer/dementia cases to improve the memory.  Dad scored three points higher on the memory test this time than back in April.  This is quite significant as I believe the test is out of 30 and the scores have been in sharp decline since I started taking him to the elder health doctor in Canada all those years ago.  (At least that is what it feels like.)  That was a bright spot in an otherwise dull day.

I went to my first bi-monthly relative meeting at the home last week. It has been my first chance to attend, as there seemed to be too much going on before. The purpose of the meeting is to update family on new procedures, events, staff changes, and and other issues that might have come up. I was reminded that I am not the only person with a family member suffering from Parkinson's and/or dementia... but I am certainly the youngest!  Was also reminded that while dad's health has declined, at least he is still able to feed himself, communicate some things, and participate in activities.  Some people have loved ones in care who need to be fed; who just lie in their bed all day.  I have been asked, what else do you have to do for your dad now that he is in a care home.  Well, I need to communicate for him since he cannot communicate for himself.  I have watched him looking to me to answer the questions he is asked.  I need to attend relatives meetings in order to stay abreast of things that are going on.  I need to have regular visits with dad so I can gauge where he is at.  I need to meet with care workers at intervals in order to assess dad's care needs and any changes that may arise.  I have to take him to specialist appointments.  (And I still haven't got him new glasses... his current ones are horribly scratched and I feel guilty every time I look at them!)  Words of a friend whose mother was in a nursing home keep coming back to me... she told me that the worry and responsibility does not end once they are in a home... she never stopped being concerned about her mother.  Yes, we are still adapting to this new direction in life.  Still haven't quite figured it all out.

On top of all this, the pressure on me - from myself included - to get myself figured out.  To be honest...  my life feels like a bit of a train wreck at the moment. Surveying the damage done, I am wondering where to start picking up the pieces.  In the time I have been taking care of dad, technology has moved on and I have not been able to keep up.  My skills and qualifications suddenly seem quite outdated.  I am learning though, that only we ourselves can do what is best for our situation.  No matter where we are at in life, I am sure we have all found that advice and comments can be exhausting.  It is a matter of understanding how to do what is best for ourselves, and tuning out the noise.  There is much talk about a work/life balance.  I will have to balance work and life with dad... hopefully I will figure it out one day.  Soon.

Taking Care of Dad's Stuff

Sometimes I like to go to the storage locker to visit my things and remember a time when I wasn't homeless!  It has been asked, "What kind of JUNK do you have in the storage locker, anyway?"  Well, since you asked, photo albums, recipe books, contents of a kitchen... important things!  One other thing that has manhandled its way into the locker is a 1960s Taiwanese trunk.  Anyone who visited our home over the years would have seen the wooden chest with intricate etchings.  If you wondered what was inside, wonder no longer... twenty years worth of slides!

All through the move, the contents of this trunk have been weighing on my mind.  I knew I would have to go through the contents of the trunk at some point.  I had asked dad to go through them a couple of years ago, but even then he wasn't up to the task.  I have now crossed off the bigger items  on the 'To Do' list and have a bit more time, so it's time to tackle this project.

I had to dig the chest out of the bottom of boxes piled up in the crowded storage unit. Upon opening the trunk, the scent of the seventies rushed out to greet me. I groaned and wondered what I'd got myself into. After all, I only have about 50,000 photos of my own to sort through!   A wise woman passed on some advice after editing pictures stored in her loved one's storage locker. Keep the people ones and toss the rest. This guidance is making the editing easier, and I have already gone through six cases of slides. It feels strange to be throwing out dad's precious slides, but I am trying not to think about that. Instead, I am going to have the best  slides scanned and put onto a memory stick so he can watch them on a digital picture frame. I should not beat myself up too much... after all; the pictures haven't seen the light of day in about 30 years!

In other news, we had a lovely visit from FWK (friends with kids!) over the weekend.  Although it is winter here in Sydney, and the temperature was around the 15C mark, we were able to sit outside for a while.  In the garden at the care home, there is a new, covered dining area.  A spur of the moment decision was made to get some takeaway Portuguese chicken and chips from the shops down the road, and eat at the outdoor table.  It turned out to be the perfect plan; dad thoroughly enjoyed the company and his second lunch of the day!  He doesn't say much, but loves watching the kids zip around... I can tell by the twinkle in his eye.  I knew he enjoyed the visit; when it came time to say goodbye, he didn't want us to leave!  Thanks again for the enjoyable afternoon!

Another Wipeout

If you don't laugh, you'll cry. That has been our mantra throughout this entire experience. On Wednesday, I was back to that weepy feeling again.

Parkinson's is just an horrible, hideous disease. I really dislike it. My heart is breaking a little once again. I went in to see dad on Wednesday afternoon. As soon as I arrived, there was the, 'Oh, your dad...' again. Turns out he had climbed out of bed after his afternoon nap once again. Climbed out, walked out into the hallway and fell. Landed on his side; on his ribs. He seems ok... ribs sore but not broken and his left hand was scratched up. He was a bit shaken up, and rather confused. Nothing he said made any sense. He keeps forgetting that his body won't let him walk. He thinks he is being held there against his will. I was trying to reassure him that he wasn't being kept against his will. We all would love for him to be doing his own thing. However, his body will no longer let him do the things he wants to do. Therefore to keep him safe, safety precautions have been taken. I reminded him once again; it is illegal in Australia to hold someone against their will. I was rewarded with 'a look'.

Throughout all this, I was unable to comfort him. It was dinner time and thinking that food would help, I encouraged him to eat. He didn't want to eat, and my presence seemed to agitate him. In fact, he only drank his juice when I got up and walked over to talk to a nurse. He wouldn't eat his dinner while I was sitting there, so I thought maybe I should leave him in the care of the nurses for the time being.

I was somewhat upset myself... so figured I would remove myself from the situation before I made it worse. The nurses are trained to assist in that situation. Of course, as soon as I left, the guilt set in. Why didn't I stay and just reassure him and show him some love? So ends another day on the Parkinson's roller coaster.

Down to the Wire

We had six months from the official date of admission (17 Jan) to sort out the financials for the care home. Which brought us up to 17 July. With the sale of home, then the government holdback because of the nonresident status, then the transfer of funds from Canada to Australia, then sorting out the banking and cheques here... I was finally able to make the final payment. The couriered cheque arrived at the head office in Victoria on 17 July exactly. I like it when things are tied up neatly like that!

Next step is to transfer dad's Canadian pension to his Australian bank account. I've been assured it can be done. I have the paperwork. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly! Canada recognizes that it's citizens may want to retire elsewhere, depending on weather/family, that kind of thing. So you can move to another country and collect your pension.

Another thing of note - and am I ever glad this was done before I took over affairs - Canada and Australia have a reciprocal retirement agreement. Something you don't think about in your youth, but old age may catch up with us all some day, if we are that lucky. And I know there are a few Canadian/Australian country jumpers out there! When it comes to collecting your pension... and if you've spent time in both Canada and Australia... to receive your full pension you have to prove residency in each country. Usually you can prove with stamps in a passport, but what if your passport wasn't stamped? I remember this being an issue when it came to dad applying for his pension. He'd worked 10 years in Australia before moving to Canada, worked there a few years, then back to Australia. Then back to Canada again. There were gaping holes in the information that needed to be sorted out. Like I said, am I ever glad the pension was finalized before I came on the scene! I just have to work out a straightforward money transfer!

Sitting on the dock at Rose Bay

View of Rose Bay

We have been having beautiful weather here; the magnolia trees are in bloom. I am quite excited about that as I haven't seen spring blossoms since early 2011, and it's my favorite time of the year. Last week, Dad and I took a stroll down Newcastle St, through a tiny alley and out onto Rose Bay. The water lapped at the shoreline, boats bobbed on the water as the sun sparkled like diamonds across the surface. The physio at the care home had given me a strap to go behind dad's feet so they wouldn't drop off the foot rests as they usually do. It made all the difference in pushing him. Therefore, made all the difference in my attitude! I didn't have to stop every 10 paces to change his feet on the rests. As a result, it was an pleasant walk. Probably the first time both of us have been settled, and actually got to enjoy each other's company without any stresses hanging over our heads.

My brother and I visited one evening over dinner this past week. We got to sit at a table by ourselves and spread out with magazines, iPhones and newspapers. It reminded me of dinner time at home, to be able to be together. I commented to my brother afterwards that dad was never a big talker anyway. Once again realized that we can just enjoy each other's company without always having to fill it with chatter. (Note to self!) I was reading a design magazine and dad wanted to know what I was reading. I turned the magazine to him to show him. He said out loud, “Jimmy Possum”. It was so strange I turned the magazine around to look at it, and it indeed was an ad for Jimmy Possum furniture. I burst into laughter and he had a smile on his face. It's always nice to see him smile.

Modern Technology

Writing is a funny thing; it is very much a biased opinion. The way I see the situation may not be the way another may see it.  I have questioned whether or not to continue writing this blog.  It has changed from managing the dad’s full care, and responsibilities, to juggling the stress and work of moving him into aged care.  The majority of the work is behind me, which isn't to say there is still pokey work that needs to be done!  (Managing doctor's care, finances, legal paperwork, and other odds and ends.)

In the end though, this blog always served to answer the question, "How is your dad?"  I know there are a lot of his friends and family who are interested in his well-being, so I will continue to make updates, maybe on a weekly basis.

In some fun news... I was informed last week that all residents will be receiving a complimentary digital photo frame.  It comes with a USB that we will be able to load with pictures and dad can have something to look at while sitting in his room.  (I guess this means I need to get him new glasses now!)  Good thing I went a little nuts a while ago, scanning old photographs.  Maybe this will give me some motivation to go to work on scanning the thousands of slides  sitting in an antique chest in storage.  (Outsourcing anyone?)

Also, another new program has been initiated.  At  the care home, they have TVs throughout displaying information such as meals, services and upcoming functions.  Now friends and family can contribute to the TV channel with photos and messages.

Step 1: Visit  www.web2tv.com.au and click on Send Photo.
Step 2: Upload your photos and message you want to share and click Send.  Other info you will need to know...
State: New South Wales
Facility: Regis Wentworth Manor (Rose Bay)

Now I am off to try sending a photo through the system!

This Time Last Year

Recently, I have found myself playing the game of "This Time Last Year".  Perhaps it has been because of the recent Canada holiday, and I was thinking of Canada Day's past.  It then reminded me of something that happened about this time last year.  I had been doing errands around town, and on a whim, thought I would stop in and see dad.  He was not in when I arrived; his walker missing also.  I had forgotten something in the car, so headed back down in the elevator to get it.  Upon arriving in the lobby, who should I literally run into getting onto the elevator but dad.  Without his walker.  The poor man was very flustered and agitated.
When I asked where his walker was, he said he had left it on the 5th floor of the other building.  Confused, I asked him how he got in there (all buildings had key FOB security) and then left his walker behind.  In the end, from what I could deduce, living in a complex of four similar buildings, he got confused as to which one he lived in.  Entering into another building, he must have told someone he lived on the 5th floor, and they used their FOB key to get him up there.  Once up there, he would not have been able to get into an apartment, got flustered, left his walker behind and went in search of his real apartment. It so happened that I ran into him waiting for the elevator just as I stepped out into the lobby. If I had not been there, the missing walker would have been a mystery.

As it was, I did not believe his story about the walker being on the 5th floor; it made no sense.  I retraced his probable footsteps all over White Rock; the lost and found in the mall, the customer service desk in the grocery store, the barber... everywhere.  No walker  to be found. 
In speaking with dad's building manager, he recommended putting up flyer's on the bulletin boards in all the parkade elevator vestibules.  Fortunately, my habit of taking pictures of everything proved fortuitous.  I had a picture of the very walker, so made up "Missing" posters and splattered them up everywhere I could.  The walker showed up a couple of days later; dad had indeed left in on the 5th floor of the other building.
I think of how lucky we were that I was there when he came home without the walker, and was able to take care of the situation.  That was the only time that dad had troubles finding his way home.  I have heard, as I am sure many others have heard as well, of dementia patients leaving their home and not being able to find their way home.  That seemed to be the realization point as to the extent of the dementia; and that I was going to have to take action soon.
I do not know why I remembered this story now, or why I feel the need to share it!  Guess I am thinking of how many changes have taken place in the past year.  Again, I am so thankful that dad is in full care, with all eyes on him.  Try as he might, he cannot pull a runner anymore!