How IS Your Dad?

Oh dear, today is one of those days where I question my sensibility of having moved a sick father overseas.  It started with one letter in the mail, then another, then another.  All official documents requiring additional supporting documents of our move overseas.  Which requires a letter, and lengthy explanation of the situation, plus more photocopying and printing.  The poor old PoA papers are almost threadbare due to so much copying.  Groan.  I digress.

Hard to believe that we have clicked over our one year anniversary of moving here.  We have come along way, yet I feel so far from being settled.  I had a thought the other day that it has been easier to get dad settled than myself.  Having had put my life/studies/career on pause for the past few years... I am finding the pause button to be stuck!  Some days are better than others.  Today is not one of those days.  Again, I digress.

Tuesday last week was Melbourne Cup day.  I was trying to remember what I had done last year, as usually I watched the race online in Canada.  Surely, I thought, I wasn't that stressed out that I had forgotten what I did.  Then I remembered that we were in the air, en route to Sydney, on the first Tuesday of November last year.  Phew... not losing it quite yet!  The day prior, we had learned that dad's care home was putting on a barbeque in honor of the Melbourne Cup.  As it turned out, I was to pick up some Canadian delegates at the airport that Tuesday morning.  So we were able to drive straight to dad's place and have a good old fashioned Aussie barbie!  It was lovely to sit out on the patio in the breeze and visit... just like the old days!  A special thanks to our visitors for making a special stop over to come see us.

In the middle of all of this, I received an email from Aged Care online saying they had read my blog and wanted to interview me for a story on their website.  Here is the link to that story.  I must say... once I got off the phone from the interview, I felt like I had done a bit of rambling.  (Who? Me?)  What can I say... I wanted to download at a faster rate than what my mouth would let me!  Anyway, I hope our story might help others in a similar situation.
http://www.agedcareonline.com.au/news/82/15/Understanding-Aged-Care-How-is-your-Dad

Happy (Hot) Halloween

There is something scary in dad's neighborhood... a new bakery has opened up at the end of the street!  Neenish tarts, custard pies, lamington's, cupcakes, marble cakes, meringues... it's very dangerous.  It's hard not to pop in an grab a treat on the way to see dad!  Of course I couldn't resist this cute little cupcake for dad for Halloween!

Seems very strange to have Halloween in the heat! Though I have to admit it makes more sense for the little kids to run down the street in their cute little costumes without a big winter coat covering it up!  For Halloween in BC, it always seemed that the weather turned the week before, and one froze running down the street collecting trick or treats!  I remember one year - it was the 80s - one kid spiked his hair with gel - and his hair froze into icicles on his head... brrrrr!  Here in Sydney, the heat has rolled in this week.  No doubt it will cool down again in a couple of days, but for the past few days it has been hovering around 30C.  Trick or treating isn't very big in Australia, though from what I understand, it has gained momentum in the past few years.  I did see quite a few kids down the street calling out trick or treat... and I may have handed out a few treats myself!

Hard to believe that it was midnight on Halloween last year when we flew out of Vancouver, bound for Sydney!  It has stirred up a few emotions, to be sure.  Definitely missing our friends in Canada, but life here has settled into being something special as well.  Dad is content here and it feels like we have made the most of the situation.

Dad was doing really well yesterday.  We sat out on the back balcony with a lovely breeze blowing and I was able to talk to him a bit.  I asked if he needed anything, or if he wanted to do anything.  He said he'd like to get out and explore a bit, if only he had a bit more oompf!  He is still sitting in the water chair as it is more comfortable while he is hanging out at the care home!  We will have to call ahead to get him transferred to his wheelchair if we want to take him out.  Will have to organize something soon... we have been waiting for his pelvic bone to heal up.  Seems it has healed nicely; he isn't in any pain anymore, which is a relief.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween!  May you be enjoying chocolates and treats no matter what your age!

Observations

I promised myself after the last post that I wouldn't get all sappy any more.  However... I had a couple of thoughts that I just could not keep to myself!

When I went to visit dad tonight, it was the first time that I felt like he did not need me.  (Or was it that I did not need him?)  I can see he is more settled and content.  It is not like he isn't going to need me in the future, should there be another fall or such... but I really hope we are on a flat bit of road for a while!  Here is hoping those words don't come back to haunt me... but I think the both of us are due some reprieve.

I looked at dad sitting in his chair at the dinner table and was momentarily saddened that he was on his own; that mom wasn't there at his side to be a comfort to him.  In life, people are always looking for their soul mate to grow old with.  The reality is, someone has to continue on the journey on their own.  Most everyone in dad's care home are there alone.  My thought was this... you really do have to like who you are and enjoy your own company.  Anything else is icing on the cake.  My other thought is that life is precious.  When you have as many days behind you as you have before you, you find yourself not wanting to waste precious time.  I think of all the time I put in at jobs I didn't like, thinking I had time to squander.  I can't change that now, but definitely want to make better choices in the future.

Best let this be all for now.  To quote the wise words of someone I know, "Do you think that maybe you have too much time to think?"

Canadian Thanksgiving

Sometimes I wonder - actually, most of the time! -  I wonder about my need for oversharing!  This post feels very personal... yet I have always tried to be honest, and hope that this is coming from an honest place.  I was thinking today that despite this tough experience, there has been much personal growth... and would I change the experience if I could?

I had a moment of insight yesterday that I wanted to share.  I was speaking with a friend about her little boy.  She had said that he fell ill while in the care of a family member who loved him as their own and he was being well cared for.  However, she felt compelled to be there with him to comfort and reassure him while he was feeling so poorly.  I looked at her, paused and said, "That is exactly how I feel with dad."  We spoke a about female instinct and how others looking on may not understand it.  I am sure people look on me and wonder why I feel compelled to visit dad so often when he is in a care home and well looked after.  Yet there is something within me that wants to be there to reassure him and tell him it will be ok.  Over and over again.  I realize I cannot be there all the time to help him, of course that's not healthy.  It is about finding the balance in life so that I have my own interests, but that I can be there for him as well.

I had a nice visit with dad tonight... talking about girders, joists and beams!  (Will have to brush up on the rest of my construction vocab to continue the conversation!)  I am not sure why he has it in his head that he is only there temporarily and has overstayed his welcome... there's that need of reassurance from me!  He said to me tonight that he was sad to have to be moving on, as he really enjoyed it there.  I reassured him that he indeed did not have to move on, but that that was his home now.  But wait... what was the end of that sentence?  He was really enjoying living there?  I cannot tell you how happy that made me feel.  All the blood, sweat and tears involved to get him there was worth it.  In low moments, I questioned myself on such an undertaking.  It's such a relief to know that he is happy there.

I must confess that am having first little bout of homesickness at the thought of everyone in Canada getting together this holiday weekend for mounds of turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes.  I have lots of special memories of Thanksgiving meals shared with so many fabulous friends.  I wonder though, if it has anything to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is the last holiday we shared with mom.  Four years on, already.  I remember that meal so well, us girls sitting around the table, having a good old chin wag.  Maybe that is why turkey dinner is my favorite... not so much for the food... as for what it represents... friends, family and laughter.  So here's wishing all my fabulous Canadian friends a lovely Thanksgiving weekend. To special memories... and special times still to come!  xo

Happenings

Donate at shakeitup.org.au

Trent with the kids from Team Fox Australia

Another update on what is happening in our part of the world.  I mentioned in the last post that I was going to get up bright and early to join up with some others on the last leg of Trent's Tanaka Walk.  We were to meet at 7.30 in Kirribilli and walk across the Harbour Bridge and into Martin Place.  What ensued was rather entertaining.  The media was waiting in Martin Place for Trent, so he took off half an hour earlier than planned.  Fortunately, I met up with some of the people from the Shake It Up Foundation so I wasn't left entirely in the dark.  Because of some mixed communications, we ended up running across half of Sydney, looking for him.  In the end, we did end up meeting up with the rest and congratulated Trent on a job well done!  Amazing to walk from Brisbane to Sydney in 28 days to raise awareness and funds for Parkinson's and depression.

Mr. Dad is recovering ever so slowly.   I keep getting asked this question, so I am going to repeat myself!   I may have answered this question here before, but bear with me...  Dad has dementia, yes.  He does not remember what he had for lunch, or what day, week, month, year it is.  However, he recognizes people.  I walked into the activity room the other day, and saw the look of recognition on his face.  I waved to him and he waved back.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am that he knows who I am and even if he has a hard time talking, we can still communicate.  There was a singer there to entertain the group.  She was singing songs from old musicals and I had no idea what they were.  I asked dad if he knew the songs and he shrugged his shoulders.  For her last song, she sand Que Sera, Sera.  I jokingly turned to dad and asked if he knew that song.  He gave me a look and rolled his eyes into the back of his head, which caused me to burst into a fit of laughter and in turn made him smile.  Ah dad, just when you wonder what is going on in that brain of his, he turns it on you to let you know that you are the dopey one!

In other news, I have taken the first step in expanding my education.  You may or may not know I used to design swimming pools.  (Side note: reading dad's building plans as a kid was the reason I got into drafting.  I didn't have the attention span - or brains - to be an architect.)While I loved my work; over the years I noticed my attention span decreasing and got bored of sitting behind the computer for long periods of time.  So drafting on a computer all day long probably is not my best option!  I am taking an intro to color and design course to explore my options.  All is not lost; I hope to build on my drafting and construction background.  Am excited to see where the next steps take me.  Plus it gives me something to talk about besides my dad all the time!  (And it gives me something to talk to him when I see him! ;)

There's still time to donate to Trent's cause to benefit Parkinson's and depression at http://www.mycause.com.au/mycause/raise_money/fundraise.php?id=53994

My Dad, The Dude

Dapper Dad

I love this photo of dad... I had not seen it until I was editing all our stuff in preparation for the move overseas last year.  Oh to have lived in that era of fabulous cars and clothes!

Not sure there is much news to add since last time.  When I visited on Tuesday, dad was still sitting in a water chair to reduce the stress on his pelvic fracture while it recovers. I asked him how he was doing.  He went to say something, then cleared his throat like he often does and then said, 'Pretty well thanks.' At least that's what I think he said. With each fall, he seems to lose more communication. I can't hardly understand him any more.

My dear sweet dad, who was once so big and strong; now too weak and frail to do anything for himself and that was his comment. "Pretty well, thanks".  I have been trying not to think about it, but writing this now brings it all back.  I feel so helpless and useless in the face of this disease, as he would as well.

A week or so ago, I posted about following The Tanaka Trimmer as he walks down from Brisbane to Sydney to raise money for Parkinson's and dementia. His nan has Parkinson's and told him she was not sure she wanted to reach her next birthday. This wretched disease steals all dignity, cognition, ability. He felt at loose ends as to what to do for her, so he is doing this walk to raise awareness. I feel at a loss as to what to do for dad, so I write out my frustration and sadness at this nasty disease.

The Tanaka Trimmer will be doing the final leg of his walk over the Harbour Bridge and into Martin Place at the end of next week. I plan to join the group on dad's behalf.  I feel helpless in light of the whole situation. Walking for awareness makes me feel like I can do something in some small way.  The final walk starts at 7am on the other side of town.  If you know me at all, you know I am usually counting sheep at this time of day.  Nevertheless... I considered all that dad puts up with in a day, and the least I can do is get up early one day... wish me luck!

Donate to the cause: http://www.mycause.com.au/mycause/raise_money/fundraise.php?id=53994
Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/391951254206091/

RUOK? Day

Yesterday was a national day of action, R U OK? day.  (I did not get around to posting yesterday... "Are you ok?" "No, I'm nursing anobber code, <sniiiff>.")  I have not heard of RUOK Day before; "The Foundation aims to prevent isolation by empowering people to support each other through life’s ups and downs." 

It made me think again of everyone that asked me that question when I was (am) going through this experience with dad.  Checking to see if I was ok; making meals for me, dropping off little gifts, bringing flowers, sending support emails, taking me out for coffee, dinners out, providing comic relief!  I do not think I would have survived the experience if it had not been for the fabulous support group of some amazing people. 

I like what Hugh Jackman has to say in the clip below.  (Haha... he could be speaking Greek and I would still be nodding my head!)



Also... here is a shot of a large group of people on Bondi Beach forming the letters RUOK?

In other queries... is dad ok!?  Since you asked; I was away last weekend, and then came back to a a couple of funny little bugs.  I have not wanted to pass that around the nursing home!  I did a sneaky stop in Wednesday afternoon to say 'Hi'.  He is still in recovery mode... certainly not as spry as he was three weeks ago before he fell.
He did ask me if I had brought anything. 
"Chocolates?" I asked.
"No... something from you."
"Ah... you want me to make you something?"
Head nod.
Haha... he doesn't miss a beat, that one!  Seems like he is recovering quite nicely.