Taking Care of Me

Selfie with mom and dad at Vancouver airport when they were both 66 and I was half their age!!

I have been delaying in posting this story as I cannot find the right words for this last blog post.   It is hard to wrap up the emotions of the past five and a half years in a few paragraphs; I keep typing words and deleting them.  However, I must publish this and move forward!  Just know that words are not enough...

Have been back in Sydney for almost two weeks now I think I am recovered from jet lag!  I had a wonderful visit back to Vancouver.  When I left Sydney, I was still reeling from the loss of dad, plus the mounds of paperwork that unfolded in the aftermath.  Visiting Vancouver/Victoria/White Rock was a whirlwind, but I managed to wrap up dad’s affairs, visit friends and found the time for a few naps!  There is no place like Vancouver in the summertime... long days extending past 10pm, sunlight dappling through the leaves, the soft sounds of birds (a touch more peaceful that squawking cockatoos!), summer fruit; particularly blueberries and cherries.   One thing I noticed about Vancouver this trip is that everyone loves a patio; whether it be Cactus Club, Milestones or the backyard!  Was great to catch up with everyone on various patios, including overlooking Victoria harbour, Vancouver harbour and even the parking lot at South Point!  I feel blessed by the love and care that was extended to me during my trip, turning what started out feeling like a business trip to a magical interlude.

While visiting my old hometown, I had noticed that the question had changed from “How’s your dad?” to “What are your plans?”  There is nothing very dramatic in the works, I’m afraid!  I plan to finish school, work and travel!  I think (hope!) all the drama is behind me!

Parallel to losing mom and taking care of dad, I realised my post secondary drafting education had reached its maximum potential.  I needed to continue my education, which is what I had planned when I finished my drafting diploma back in the day, but easier said than done.  One of the reasons for moving to Sydney (besides moving dad moving to see his family) was for its design and arts culture.  I briefly considered New York  or Toronto (like I said, briefly!), but Sydney made the most sense because of my citizenship.  Prior to leaving BC, I had researched interior design courses, but nothing eventuated.  Once in Sydney, with dad settled, it worked out for me to take an introductory colour course.  That led to a fast-paced bridging course over Christmas 2012 and into a styling course last year. The opportunity arose to study interior design this year, and with dad not being well and needing to be close to him, I made the decision to continue studying.  (Only three months to go, not that I have started the countdown or anything!  I love learning, but it means that life gets put on the back burner while you work on assignments.)

I had no idea this new career path would allow me to carry special memories of both mom and dad. In the middle of my styling course last year, we were studying soft furnishings and furniture placement.  It reminded me of how mom made a home for us.  Oftentimes we would come home to from school to find the vacuum tossed out across the floor and mom moving furniture around.  She spoiled us with ironed sheets (“They stack better in the cupboard”, was her reasoning when we teased her about it.) and perfectly folded towels.   (While I do not exactly iron my sheets, I will say that it is a simple luxury to have ironed pillowcases!) Memories of dad, too, came flooding back.  I recall sitting in his work truck; the scent of metal, sawdust and oil in the air; drinking the grounds of Thermos coffee (Disgusting!  But if dad drank it, then it must be cool!) and flipping through the fan deck of paint chips.  The interior of our house on Summerhill Crescent was painted entirely in Banana Split.  Hey, it was the 80s, after all!  I am thankful for what they taught me about  attention to detail and taking pride in your work.

A heartfelt thank you to all for following along with our story; for your support and compassion.  May we continue to remember those who struggle with Parkinson's, and other crippling illnesses and diseases.  Most of all, thank you to mom and dad for the love and care they blessed us children with; we continue to feel their influence in our lives.

If you would like to stay in touch, my email is donnavercoe1@gmail.com and most days you can find me on Instagram: donnavercoe

Sincerely,

Donna

Taking Care of Business

Sussex House... mom and dad's last apartment.  (Side note: the Vercoe name ventures back to Sussex, England)

Where does the time go?!  I cannot believe it is three months this week since dad passed away.  I've been back in Vancouver/White Rock, taking care of dad's affairs. Catching up with friends, it feels like no time has passed... but in fact it has been 2 1/2 years since we left. 'It seems like it was yesterday,' has been the refrain this whole trip. Another reminder to not put off till tomorrow, what you can do today.

I took a stroll through White Rock last week, and didn't realise till I was on the move that I was walking past all the old hang outs with dad.  The hospital where he spent the last 6 weeks before we moved, the emergency room where we spent many long hours for various ailments, the store where we picked out his walker (joking that it wasn't quite as much fun as picking out a car), the notary public's office; where I signed the paperwork for the power of attorney and estate executor that got me into this position in the first place! There was the rolling sidewalk down the hill to his front door, where I constantly reminded him to take it slow, as his gait threatened to take over and he'd have a spill. (Which did eventuate, hence one of the trips to the emergency room for a busted nose.). So many memories.... plus the memories of mom. The garden out the front of their place is somewhat overgrown now. Mom would have had a say in tending to those plants.

With these sad reminders of all that dad suffered with in those last years, though I miss his smile and wave, I am thankful he no longer has to struggle with that disease. We laid dad to rest last week with mom, and it is a comfort to know they are together again.

Collages

The Early Years

The Middle Years

The Latter Years

Eulogy

As per request, I have posted an edited version of the eulogy here to share with those who were unable to attend Monday's service.

Australian Native Flowers

Dad at Whistler (Loren)

Dad at White Rock Beach (Donna)

Norman Ernest Vercoe

 January 14, 1941 ~ April 30, 2014

We would like to thank you all for coming today.  Your love and support has encouraged us and touched our hearts.  I would like to extend a special thank you to the staff at Wentworth Manor at Rose Bay for their kindness and compassion in caring for dad.  While we worried about dad, we never worried about the care he received.  A “thank you” also to the competent staff at St Vincent’s hospital who gave dad excellent care whenever he was admitted there.

It was only last Monday that I was sitting at dad’s bedside, holding his hand.  He held on tight and wouldn’t let go.  At the time, I thought I was giving him comfort, but now I wonder if he wasn’t giving me the courage to go on.

Two days before she passed away suddenly I was in the kitchen with mom while she made Sunday lunch.  She said to me, “You should spend more time with your dad; he feels left out sometimes.”  Parkinson’s disease had made him quieter, and harder to communicate with.  Little did I know, two days later mom would be gone and for the next five years and five months dad and I would be strapped into a crazy roller coaster ride.  I lost count of the number of doctors and specialists we visited,  trips to ER, panicked phone calls, medication reminders and dashes to his side.  There were many moments of tears and frustration... mostly on my behalf.  Dad was gracious in the hand that was dealt to him.  I would hear him thanking the nursing staff for even the smallest of tasks they did for him.  Often they would say to me, “Your dad is such a lovely man.”  His kindness may have warmed their hearts, but his mischievousness kept them on their toes.

Norman Ernest Vercoe was predeceased by his loving wife, Ruth.  He is survived by his children, Donna, Loren and Dale and their partners Naomi and Joanna.  He was a brother to Evelyn (Fred), Ruth (Ron) and Colin (Julie). Uncle to Wayne, Michelle and Andrew, Rodney, Darren, Kim, Celeste and Jarrah and countless more family and friends in both Canada and Australia.

One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the gift of siblings.  I have been thinking of dad’s sisters and brother as they say goodbye to him today.  Am thankful for my own brothers; that we can lean on one another for love and support at this difficult time.

Dad was born on January 14, 1941 in Byron Bay, second child to to Elborough and Irene Vercoe.  He grew up in the Drake area, and then went to high school in Lismore. Following  study with PMG at 15, he moved to Sydney where he studied to be a telephone technician.  There he boarded with Ted and Jean Maxwell; sharing a room with Ross where they honed their skills with nightly chess championships. Stories from this period of dad’s life paint picture of a young scallywag who made friends easily.

With plenty of time to think working as a technician in rural New South Wales, dad initiated the Vercoe travel bug, and set off on a world trip with David Maxwell in 1964.  Starting in New Zealand, they explored Fiji before moving on to the US and Canada.  David was waylaid in Vancouver with a Canadian girl while dad continued on touring the US on his $99 for 99 days Greyhound ticket.  He had reached southern California when he received a request to return to Vancouver to be the best man at David’s wedding.  It was at this time, that dad officially met mom and sparks flew!  They had their first date on December 6, 1965 and ever the romantic, dad asked her to marry him on December 6 the following year.  Dad proposed at The Royal Towers in New Westminster with a watch.  Mom said yes, but had to dash to the washroom where the light was brighter so she could get a better look at her gold Omega watch.  They were married May 19, 1967 in Salmon Arm and settled in Vancouver for three years where dad worked as a telephone technician for BC Tel.  Following the death of his mother, dad was moved to return to Australia.   

In Sydney, dad determined that he wasn’t cut out for office life.  Frank Wehrle taught him construction, and dad forged ahead building houses.  The redhead trilogy began when I was born in Sydney in 1973.  Wanderlust hit again and dad and mom drove a six month old me around Australia before setting in the Surfers Paradise area in 1974.  A second "ranga" was added to the family at the end of the year; who goes by the name of Loren.    For the five years we lived in Queensland, dad worked on building a family home and owned a business building fifth wheel caravans. 

Meanwhile, in Canada, mom’s mom was having issues with her heart.  They made the decision to return to Canada to be closer to grandma.  They weren’t there long before the third, and no longer surprising, redhead made his appearance. Dale was born in August  1979.  After all this moving about... mom and dad settled in to life in White Rock, BC to raise us three children.  Dad worked as a carpenter, literally putting a roof over our heads: building several homes for our family and many more for other people in the area.   On April 29, 1996, dad was marking out the plumb line for a wall.  As he walked backwards, he fell 11 feet through the opening for a stairwell; he hit his head and landed on compact sand on the floor below.  After laying there for a while, he called mom to tell her he had had an accident and that he was going to just rest there a while and wait for it to pass.  His “resting a while” turned into several months of hospitalisation and rehabilitation.  In hindsight, we suspect that this could have been the onset of Parkinson’s disease.

Dad continued on with building following his accident.  When his body wouldn’t let him physically build anymore, a colleague of his stepped in and got dad a job as a plan checker.  He respected dad so much that he went out of his way to drive dad to and from work.  Mom was always thankful that dad had the opportunity to work as long as he could, to maintain some normalcy in his life.  Or maybe it was because it got him out of the house!  By the beginning of 2007 though, he had had a couple of stumbles on the job site, and retired from building.

Dale reminded us that dad would come home from work most days with a smile and a greeting, “Hidey-hodey every-body.”  From Dale’s experience as a carpenter, it is near impossible to be that positive every day.   Dad’s level of relaxation could be measured by the distance of the newspaper from his face.  He didn’t need much in life... just the daily newspaper, his brown chair, mom’s baking and a dollop of whipped cream.   A lover of dessert until the end, he would often test mom’s patience by sitting at the table after a full main course asking, “Are we sitting here in vain?”

As a single female, discussions would often roll around to why I was still single. Dad would pipe up say, “That's because she’s trying to find one as good as her dad”.  He'd have a little grin on his face while we all groaned at him.” Certainly, almost three years have passed since my last long conversation with him. Not one for talking on the phone, he ended up talking to me for over an hour.   All my life, I would go to dad with my worries and concerns.  He would patiently listen, empathise, and offer reason and support.  I will always cherish that conversation for dad’s love and understanding of my situation.

Dad always said “A job worth doing, is a job worth doing well.” This was evidenced in his craftsmanship, his relationship with others and his role as a husband and father.  We are so thankful for his faith and values which we will carry in our hearts as we continue our own path, though we shall miss him dearly.

Service for Norman

We will be having the service for dad on Monday.  If you would like details, please email me at donnavercoe1@gmail.com

Farewell

Very sad to write and let you know that dad passed away peacefully in the early hours of this morning.  We are so sad that he's gone, but thankful that he has been released from the lengthy struggle with Parkinson's disease.  Thank you to everyone for your messages of love, comfort and support.  I will post more soon...

The Hardest Post

For once, I am at a loss for words.  With all the posts I have written, I never imagined myself writing this one.  Dad's condition has deteriorated since the last time I posted.  Indeed, on Sunday night, he wasn't interested much in eating.  We got the phone call Monday afternoon from the care home to say that dad wasn't interested in eating, drinking or taking his medication.  On top of that, he had a slight fever.  When I saw him Monday afternoon, I couldn't believe it was the same dad who had been sitting up, eating some meat, potatoes and three scoops of ice cream a couple of nights prior.  He was exhausted and sleeping. In the past, he has rallied, and pulled through.  This time, we know it is different... they are doing all they can to keep him comfortable.  I will post more when I can.