Fragments

Before I get ripping into this blog, I should explain my fragmented thoughts. I'm just trying to get all the thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Blog posts may appear piecemeal... that being the way my mind has started behaving since dealing with the whole situation with dad. I find it hard to focus on things for a long time. I used to be able to sit down and read a book cover to cover, and now find it hard to focus on one magazine article the whole way through. My thoughts feel sporadic and random, and I find I can't finish tasks. So if the posts seem random and uncontinuous... welcome to my brain!

Our Story

It was the 1960s, and air travel had just been opened up to the masses. Dad and his best friend bought round the world tickets, and set off from their homeland of Australia to travel the world. They travelled through New Zealand, Fiji, California and Washington, before they ended up in Vancouver, where the adventure was stalled. Both met women, and fell in love.

Judging by the photos and stories, dad was quite the dashing gentleman. Mom was from a small interior BC town, who was living and working, somewhat tentatively, in Vancouver. She would have been quite taken with this fun-loving Aussie. Dad and mom fell in love, were married, and lived for three years in Vancouver. Then dad's mother in Australia, died suddenly, and they travelled back to Australia for the funeral. Dad had a deep pang of homesickness, and so they returned to Vancouver, packed up everything and shipped it to Australia... leaving nothing behind so no one would have the impression they were returning.

They lived for nine years in Australia, had two children, and started up a caravan business. Back in Canada, mom's mom fell ill with her heart... scarring from Scarlett fever as a child. She needed to have open heart surgery. Dad sold up everything... house on the canal in Surfer's Paradise, caravan business, and moved his wife and 2.5 children back to Canada. Mom was 7 months pregnant with my youngest brother when she moved.

We settled into life in Canada, in Surrey, BC. Our grandma went on to have two open heart surgeries, and lived for 29 years after we moved back to Canada. She passed away in October 2003 at 89 years. Three days after her funeral, dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.

Mirror, Mirror

There's a 60 year old staring back in my reflection in the mirror. Which is odd, as I'm only 37. In looking at recent pictures of myself, I look exhausted. Is it any wonder, given the stress I've been under? It's time to do something about it, but I feel so wiped from the agony of the past two years, most days I want to sit down and cry. Which is hardly constructive in working through the largest decision of my life.

I've been thinking about writing about my situation for a while now. I've been reluctant to write a blog, as not only is it my story, it's my father's story as well. (I will do my best to protect his own personal privacy. And attempt to write with grace and humor, despite the anger I feel most of the time.) However, I feel that sharing our story will help other people who may be faced with a similar situation, or prepare themselves so that they can avoid an experience like ours. Also, my hope is, that in writing everything down, maybe it will help me in the decision making process.

And finally, I hope that in writing everything down, I only need to answer once to the question, "How is your dad?"