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| Rose Bay dusk today |
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| Sunset over Rose Bay |
I'm not a mother, so I don't know what "mother's guilt" is; wonder if it's similar to "daughter's guilt"? It has been a bit hectic around here as of late... I have not got in to see dad as much as I would like. When I arrived at dinner time tonight, I was told that dad was having none of the dinner. I tried him with potato and meat - his fave - but he wasn't having any of it. Dessert, however, was a different story... the ice cream disappeared. I know how he felt though... he was just tired of the same old food. Daughter guilt for not bringing him in special treats. Daughter guilt for not being there more often. Daughter guilt for getting frustrated. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I know people tell me not to feel guilty, that I've done enough, to live my own life, etc. Yeah, they can go ahead and talk all they want. I cannot change how I feel.
I look at dad and I just want to lift his burden. I think of all he has suffered with in the past few years; remember the man he was, and my heart breaks a little more. Life can be so unkind. You try to find the beauty in the small things, but sometimes the sadness is just too great. This is how it goes with dad. Some days I leave with a heavy heart. Just watch... I'll go see him tomorrow, he will be in great spirits and we will have a lovely visit. So that is where we are at.
(Photos above were taken as I walked over to see dad. I know that we live in a beautiful place in the world. I do count my blessings... just a little bit sad today is all.)
