Seeing the abundance of flowers around town today for Valentine's, brought back a sweet memory from years ago. When I was quite young... dad snuck into my apartment and left me a bouquet of flowers for Valentine's. It melted my heart then, and it melted my heart again when I remembered. Prior to the memory... I had been poo-pooing the single red roses they were selling. Especially the ones in the city... $15 for a single rose!! (Another memory... mom used to get personally miffed when men were coerced into buying flowers. On one occasion, she talked a man out of buying a bouquet that had clearly seen better days, and steered him in the direction of another. I cracked up when she told me that story. She had gumption, that mother of mine.)
Anyway, next thing I knew, I was in possession of a single stemmed red rose. On my walk home... an older woman following me remarked that it was the first sign she had seen all day that it was Valentine's Day. I explained that I was taking it to my dad, and then had to tell the story that he was in a care home with Parkinson's and dementia. When she said she didn't want to get dementia, that she was doing everything she could to avoid it. And what did I say? That dementia was simply a deterioration of the brain due to ageing. (Oh yes, I know how to make people feel good about themselves!) But it truly is... as the body deteriorates, so does the brain. Dementia is on the rise as we live longer lives. It is truly a sad disease, but we need to get past the stigma of it. Someone recently said to me that they couldn't deal with nursing homes, so they didn't go. I once felt the same way, but don't have a choice. Once you meet the people in the homes, though, they endear themselves to you. They all want the same as any of us... to be shown love, friendship and kindness. Stigma be gone!
The reason for my long-winded story... was there a reason? I guess with roses, it is obviously a symbol of love... but suddenly I was aware of it being a symbol more than anything I could have conversed to dad. (Hopefully you can read between the lines as I don't think I've made myself clear and have written that sentence more than a few times trying not to sound twee!)
With dementia, and dad's speech and not being able to converse with him... our recent visits have been surprisingly delightful. The thought came to me that it's not unlike conversing with a child... you can't make out what they are saying all the time, and they certainly don't understand you... but it doesn't mean that you can't communicate and share a laugh. I think I have moved beyond the pity stage and just appreciate dad as he is. There are a few moments of clarity or clear speech. I just talk to him and tell him what I am up to. Since I am studying interior design, I am more understanding of his profession as a builder. Talking to him about construction sometimes brings about those moments of clarity. His sense of humour is still keen... so I'll tell him a joke or funny story to make him laugh. After all, according to Reader's Digest, laughter is the best medicine. It truly lifts my heart to see little smile creases in his cheeks, so I will work hard to make it happen!
So that's the news with us. Sending much love this Valentine's Day... be sure to give your loved ones a big kiss and cuddle!
