Taking Care of Dad: May 2014

As per request, I have posted an edited version of the eulogy here to share with those who were unable to attend Monday's service.

Australian Native Flowers

Dad at Whistler (Loren)

Dad at White Rock Beach (Donna)

Norman Ernest Vercoe

January 14, 1941 ~ April 30, 2014

We would like to thank you all for coming today. Your love and support has encouraged us and touched our hearts. I would like to extend a special thank you to the staff at Wentworth Manor at Rose Bay for their kindness and compassion in caring for dad. While we worried about dad, we never worried about the care he received. A “thank you” also to the competent staff at St Vincent’s hospital who gave dad excellent care whenever he was admitted there.

It was only last Monday that I was sitting at dad’s bedside, holding his hand. He held on tight and wouldn’t let go. At the time, I thought I was giving him comfort, but now I wonder if he wasn’t giving me the courage to go on.

Two days before she passed away suddenly I was in the kitchen with mom while she made Sunday lunch. She said to me, “You should spend more time with your dad; he feels left out sometimes.” Parkinson’s disease had made him quieter, and harder to communicate with. Little did I know, two days later mom would be gone and for the next five years and five months dad and I would be strapped into a crazy roller coaster ride. I lost count of the number of doctors and specialists we visited, trips to ER, panicked phone calls, medication reminders and dashes to his side. There were many moments of tears and frustration... mostly on my behalf. Dad was gracious in the hand that was dealt to him. I would hear him thanking the nursing staff for even the smallest of tasks they did for him. Often they would say to me, “Your dad is such a lovely man.” His kindness may have warmed their hearts, but his mischievousness kept them on their toes.

Norman Ernest Vercoe was predeceased by his loving wife, Ruth. He is survived by his children, Donna, Loren and Dale and their partners Naomi and Joanna. He was a brother to Evelyn (Fred), Ruth (Ron) and Colin (Julie). Uncle to Wayne, Michelle and Andrew, Rodney, Darren, Kim, Celeste and Jarrah and countless more family and friends in both Canada and Australia.

One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the gift of siblings. I have been thinking of dad’s sisters and brother as they say goodbye to him today. Am thankful for my own brothers; that we can lean on one another for love and support at this difficult time.

Dad was born on January 14, 1941 in Byron Bay, second child to to Elborough and Irene Vercoe. He grew up in the Drake area, and then went to high school in Lismore. Following study with PMG at 15, he moved to Sydney where he studied to be a telephone technician. There he boarded with Ted and Jean Maxwell; sharing a room with Ross where they honed their skills with nightly chess championships. Stories from this period of dad’s life paint picture of a young scallywag who made friends easily.

With plenty of time to think working as a technician in rural New South Wales, dad initiated the Vercoe travel bug, and set off on a world trip with David Maxwell in 1964. Starting in New Zealand, they explored Fiji before moving on to the US and Canada. David was waylaid in Vancouver with a Canadian girl while dad continued on touring the US on his $99 for 99 days Greyhound ticket. He had reached southern California when he received a request to return to Vancouver to be the best man at David’s wedding. It was at this time, that dad officially met mom and sparks flew! They had their first date on December 6, 1965 and ever the romantic, dad asked her to marry him on December 6 the following year. Dad proposed at The Royal Towers in New Westminster with a watch. Mom said yes, but had to dash to the washroom where the light was brighter so she could get a better look at her gold Omega watch. They were married May 19, 1967 in Salmon Arm and settled in Vancouver for three years where dad worked as a telephone technician for BC Tel. Following the death of his mother, dad was moved to return to Australia.

In Sydney, dad determined that he wasn’t cut out for office life. Frank Wehrle taught him construction, and dad forged ahead building houses. The redhead trilogy began when I was born in Sydney in 1973. Wanderlust hit again and dad and mom drove a six month old me around Australia before setting in the Surfers Paradise area in 1974. A second "ranga" was added to the family at the end of the year; who goes by the name of Loren. For the five years we lived in Queensland, dad worked on building a family home and owned a business building fifth wheel caravans.

Meanwhile, in Canada, mom’s mom was having issues with her heart. They made the decision to return to Canada to be closer to grandma. They weren’t there long before the third, and no longer surprising, redhead made his appearance. Dale was born in August 1979. After all this moving about... mom and dad settled in to life in White Rock, BC to raise us three children. Dad worked as a carpenter, literally putting a roof over our heads: building several homes for our family and many more for other people in the area. On April 29, 1996, dad was marking out the plumb line for a wall. As he walked backwards, he fell 11 feet through the opening for a stairwell; he hit his head and landed on compact sand on the floor below. After laying there for a while, he called mom to tell her he had had an accident and that he was going to just rest there a while and wait for it to pass. His “resting a while” turned into several months of hospitalisation and rehabilitation. In hindsight, we suspect that this could have been the onset of Parkinson’s disease.

Dad continued on with building following his accident. When his body wouldn’t let him physically build anymore, a colleague of his stepped in and got dad a job as a plan checker. He respected dad so much that he went out of his way to drive dad to and from work. Mom was always thankful that dad had the opportunity to work as long as he could, to maintain some normalcy in his life. Or maybe it was because it got him out of the house! By the beginning of 2007 though, he had had a couple of stumbles on the job site, and retired from building.

Dale reminded us that dad would come home from work most days with a smile and a greeting, “Hidey-hodey every-body.” From Dale’s experience as a carpenter, it is near impossible to be that positive every day. Dad’s level of relaxation could be measured by the distance of the newspaper from his face. He didn’t need much in life... just the daily newspaper, his brown chair, mom’s baking and a dollop of whipped cream. A lover of dessert until the end, he would often test mom’s patience by sitting at the table after a full main course asking, “Are we sitting here in vain?”

As a single female, discussions would often roll around to why I was still single. Dad would pipe up say, “That's because she’s trying to find one as good as her dad”. He'd have a little grin on his face while we all groaned at him.” Certainly, almost three years have passed since my last long conversation with him. Not one for talking on the phone, he ended up talking to me for over an hour. All my life, I would go to dad with my worries and concerns. He would patiently listen, empathise, and offer reason and support. I will always cherish that conversation for dad’s love and understanding of my situation.

Dad always said “A job worth doing, is a job worth doing well.” This was evidenced in his craftsmanship, his relationship with others and his role as a husband and father. We are so thankful for his faith and values which we will carry in our hearts as we continue our own path, though we shall miss him dearly.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Collages

Eulogy

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Service for Norman