I follow the Michael J Fox Foundation feed on Twitter. A recent tweet has been on my mind... 'Team Foxer's Pat and Carol Hagen saved an art auction and raised money for Parkinson's. What will you do in 2012?'
New Year's resolutions tend to be very self-focused: "I want to make more money. I want to save money. I want to travel to exotic locales. I want to lose weight. I want to exercise more." Not bad resolutions, but is it not just like the en generation we are to turn it all into me me me.
Which is what got me thinking on the MJF tweet: "What will you do in 2012?"
I recall a comment someone made on marriage: More marriages might last if instead of asking the question : "What can I get out of this marriage?" Ask instead - "What can I offer this marriage?"
We all want to self improve in our New Year's resolutions ... maybe if we help others, we help ourselves as well... and in turn, we can make the world a better place.
2011 has certainly been a rough year for our family. I have been reminded, however, that there are others out there dealing with more difficult situations than ours. On New Year's, we wish peace and prosperity to each other for the new year. While it is lovely sentiment, I have come to the realization that life happens and we can't wipe the slate clean and start fresh the next year. We drag our problems, diseases etc. into a fresh new year. It isn't all doom and gloom, however! We can make the world a better place by looking out for one another... whether it be charity/volunteer work, meals for someone in need, sparing some time for someone who needs a friend, fundraising... the list goes on. May 2012 be the year we think of one another and give back!
May you all have a safe and Happy New Year's Eve.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Flabbergasted
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday afternoon I received a call from my brother who said, 'Sometimes you are in the right place at the right time...' He had been to visit dad, and had gotten out to the parking lot when he realized had left his sunglasses behind in dad's room. Upon arriving back in the room, he found dad 3/4 the way out of his bed, where he had been having a rest. He managed to find the nurses and get dad settled back into bed.
On Wednesday, I stopped in to visit. I found dad in his easy chair in his room, seat restraints undone and in his hands, legs off to the side. A few more minutes and he would have been out of there... I've no doubt we would have had another dad-pancake on our hands. And the last thing I want to do in the remainder of this year is spend any more time in a hospital!
I ran to grab the nurses - and they couldn't believe that he'd skipped out of his restraints! He's always sat down and figured out how things go together - and it's no different now. He sat there, worked out how the restraint worked, and slipped himself out.
He was upset and complaining that he felt caged up. I told him I understood... but that the restraints were for his own safety. His legs no longer cooperate. When he goes to stand up, they give out and he falls - and could injure himself. I took him outside for a short walk and to sit in the sunshine for a change of scenery.
This morning I had an appointment at the care home with a wheelchair supplier. Dad has been using a borrowed wheelchair from the home which is heavy and cumbersome. It has little wheels, so he has been unable to move himself around. The wheelchair we were looking at getting had been out of stock, then there was the break over Christmas. So today was the first day we had a chance to take a look at the chair. The therapist got him out of one chair and into the new one. As he was sitting in it, he asked if it was self-propelled. Sorry? What does he know about self-propelled chairs? The supplier didn't even get a chance to change the foot pegs before dad had grabbed onto the wheels and was off!! A quick fix to the foot pegs, removed some plastic off the wheels and he was gone again. The supplier, the therapist and I stood there flabbergasted. None of us had expected that. Dad wheeled himself into the activity room to show off his new wheels. He had even figured out how to turn around... hold one wheel still and turn the other. Let me tell you... he was pretty pleased with himself... and looking at the rest of us as if to say, 'No duh - that's what I've been trying to tell you all along. Dummies.'
Don't I feel like the bad daughter for not getting a wheelchair organized sooner. In the space of 2 minutes, he got some of his independence back.
I went to take a picture of him in his new chair, but he had wheeled his new chair up to the table for morning tea and was chatting to his friends. Not so much as backward glance to me, or a 'thanks for my new wheels.' Like a parent who worries about their child settling into daycare, and the child takes off without a backward glance ... there went dad back to his new friends. Oh well... there's a coffee shop down the road with my name on it.
Always being 3 steps ahead of me, I have no doubt that I will soon be receiving a call that dad has rolled his wheelchair or such.
Monday afternoon I received a call from my brother who said, 'Sometimes you are in the right place at the right time...' He had been to visit dad, and had gotten out to the parking lot when he realized had left his sunglasses behind in dad's room. Upon arriving back in the room, he found dad 3/4 the way out of his bed, where he had been having a rest. He managed to find the nurses and get dad settled back into bed.
On Wednesday, I stopped in to visit. I found dad in his easy chair in his room, seat restraints undone and in his hands, legs off to the side. A few more minutes and he would have been out of there... I've no doubt we would have had another dad-pancake on our hands. And the last thing I want to do in the remainder of this year is spend any more time in a hospital!
I ran to grab the nurses - and they couldn't believe that he'd skipped out of his restraints! He's always sat down and figured out how things go together - and it's no different now. He sat there, worked out how the restraint worked, and slipped himself out.
He was upset and complaining that he felt caged up. I told him I understood... but that the restraints were for his own safety. His legs no longer cooperate. When he goes to stand up, they give out and he falls - and could injure himself. I took him outside for a short walk and to sit in the sunshine for a change of scenery.
This morning I had an appointment at the care home with a wheelchair supplier. Dad has been using a borrowed wheelchair from the home which is heavy and cumbersome. It has little wheels, so he has been unable to move himself around. The wheelchair we were looking at getting had been out of stock, then there was the break over Christmas. So today was the first day we had a chance to take a look at the chair. The therapist got him out of one chair and into the new one. As he was sitting in it, he asked if it was self-propelled. Sorry? What does he know about self-propelled chairs? The supplier didn't even get a chance to change the foot pegs before dad had grabbed onto the wheels and was off!! A quick fix to the foot pegs, removed some plastic off the wheels and he was gone again. The supplier, the therapist and I stood there flabbergasted. None of us had expected that. Dad wheeled himself into the activity room to show off his new wheels. He had even figured out how to turn around... hold one wheel still and turn the other. Let me tell you... he was pretty pleased with himself... and looking at the rest of us as if to say, 'No duh - that's what I've been trying to tell you all along. Dummies.'
Don't I feel like the bad daughter for not getting a wheelchair organized sooner. In the space of 2 minutes, he got some of his independence back.
I went to take a picture of him in his new chair, but he had wheeled his new chair up to the table for morning tea and was chatting to his friends. Not so much as backward glance to me, or a 'thanks for my new wheels.' Like a parent who worries about their child settling into daycare, and the child takes off without a backward glance ... there went dad back to his new friends. Oh well... there's a coffee shop down the road with my name on it.
Always being 3 steps ahead of me, I have no doubt that I will soon be receiving a call that dad has rolled his wheelchair or such.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Season's Greetings
Well! What a year that was. So many changes... and we are in such a different place this year at Christmas compared to this time last year. Life tosses you around, you end up with some bumps and bruises, and if you are lucky, you get spit out the other end, scratching your head... though I can only speak for myself!
We are still hanging in there though... and looking forward to an Australian Christmas. It is meant to be 26C and sunny... finally... after being unseasonably cool for most of the time since arriving here. (Coldest start to a summer in 50 years... sounds a bit like Vancouver this past summer!)
Thanks for following along with our adventures. Whether you be tucked up beside a fire, or stretched out on a beach.... may Christmas bring you the warmth of family, friends and love.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Hardest Decision
As you may be aware, dad has been in respite care since moving here. Australia has provision for 62 days of respite in a fiscal year... of which he is now halfway into. Like any of the previous - waiting periods, I guess you would call them, for lack of better description - it is smooth sailing for a while, then the deadline looms, and then it is 'make a decision time'. (Ooops... run on sentence, better watch that!) That is when the panic and anxiety come back to roost.
For the past couple of weeks, I have hardly been able to go to sleep for worrying about what to do with dad... where is he going to live? What are we going to do? We popped him into respite at the place closest to my brother without much research, only to find out that it is quite pricey. (Actually, we kind of knew that, given the location it was in!) Never mind, we needed appropriate accommodation for him as soon as we landed. This one fit the bill, so we took it.
I have been so happy with dad in respite at the care home here. He has been settling in, getting on with the nurses, making a few new friends. He even seemed to have curbed the 'crawling out of bed' activities! Physiotherapists work with him every morning, he does crafts in the activity room, there is morning and afternoon tea with fresh baking. He does sometimes rest in the afternoon... but he is rarely left alone and forgotten. With the Parkinson's and dementia, he needs a certain level of attention and care, which he is receiving.
Last Friday at the Christmas lunch, I spoke with a woman who's brother-in-law with dementia had just moved into the care home following stints in two other care homes. Two things she spoke about stayed with me. One was that he was not receiving proper care with his dementia in the other homes. The other was that they moved him to be closer to them as they were having to travel great distances to check up on him, which was becoming more frequent.
I wake up around 4am each morning, lying and worrying for a couple of hours about what to with dad. Following this conversation with this woman, I woke up in a panic one morning realizing, "Dad needs to be close to me!" I had been thinking of moving him to a spot about 40 minutes away.
I realized that throughout this whole ordeal, I have had to work on some creative solutions. None of this has been text book. I mean, who loses their wife at 68, and has to deal with a degenerative disease on top of it. Typically people grow old and frail and end up transferring into a care home in their 80s.
Once again, I have had to come up with a creative solution to the problem. Dad needs to be close to me, so that I don't have to traipse across town the 2-3x a week that he needs me. (What does he still need me for, you ask? That is a blog post unto itself... which is currently half written!) I need to get a job and get a life, so that I can figure out where I am going to be and settle down. Which means I am going to be in Rose Bay and vicinity for a while. My two main concerns were that I need to be close to him, and I need to properly research other care homes... which is difficult as they are across town and it is going to take some time, of which we are swiftly running out of.
So the solution is for him to remain in care where he is currently in respite. (He can remain in the same room.) With the Parkinson's, dementia and osteoporosis... his care needs are great. I can trust that this care home will care for his needs, as they have done some well already. We may need to shift him in the future, but that is something we can worry about later. It's not ideal... but then nothing much about this experience has been ideal!
I feel the weight has been lifted from my shoulders slightly. I won't have to run around looking for another care home for him right now. Instead, I can focus on other matters at hand... purchasing new equipment, getting the financials sorted out. Oh... and focus on carving out some kind of fun and normalcy for the Christmas season!
For the past couple of weeks, I have hardly been able to go to sleep for worrying about what to do with dad... where is he going to live? What are we going to do? We popped him into respite at the place closest to my brother without much research, only to find out that it is quite pricey. (Actually, we kind of knew that, given the location it was in!) Never mind, we needed appropriate accommodation for him as soon as we landed. This one fit the bill, so we took it.
I have been so happy with dad in respite at the care home here. He has been settling in, getting on with the nurses, making a few new friends. He even seemed to have curbed the 'crawling out of bed' activities! Physiotherapists work with him every morning, he does crafts in the activity room, there is morning and afternoon tea with fresh baking. He does sometimes rest in the afternoon... but he is rarely left alone and forgotten. With the Parkinson's and dementia, he needs a certain level of attention and care, which he is receiving.
Last Friday at the Christmas lunch, I spoke with a woman who's brother-in-law with dementia had just moved into the care home following stints in two other care homes. Two things she spoke about stayed with me. One was that he was not receiving proper care with his dementia in the other homes. The other was that they moved him to be closer to them as they were having to travel great distances to check up on him, which was becoming more frequent.
I wake up around 4am each morning, lying and worrying for a couple of hours about what to with dad. Following this conversation with this woman, I woke up in a panic one morning realizing, "Dad needs to be close to me!" I had been thinking of moving him to a spot about 40 minutes away.
I realized that throughout this whole ordeal, I have had to work on some creative solutions. None of this has been text book. I mean, who loses their wife at 68, and has to deal with a degenerative disease on top of it. Typically people grow old and frail and end up transferring into a care home in their 80s.
Once again, I have had to come up with a creative solution to the problem. Dad needs to be close to me, so that I don't have to traipse across town the 2-3x a week that he needs me. (What does he still need me for, you ask? That is a blog post unto itself... which is currently half written!) I need to get a job and get a life, so that I can figure out where I am going to be and settle down. Which means I am going to be in Rose Bay and vicinity for a while. My two main concerns were that I need to be close to him, and I need to properly research other care homes... which is difficult as they are across town and it is going to take some time, of which we are swiftly running out of.
So the solution is for him to remain in care where he is currently in respite. (He can remain in the same room.) With the Parkinson's, dementia and osteoporosis... his care needs are great. I can trust that this care home will care for his needs, as they have done some well already. We may need to shift him in the future, but that is something we can worry about later. It's not ideal... but then nothing much about this experience has been ideal!
I feel the weight has been lifted from my shoulders slightly. I won't have to run around looking for another care home for him right now. Instead, I can focus on other matters at hand... purchasing new equipment, getting the financials sorted out. Oh... and focus on carving out some kind of fun and normalcy for the Christmas season!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Christmas Party
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| Guest of honor!! |
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| Dodgy iPhone pic! |
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sorry for the delay in updates. Busy time here. Even though dad is in a care home, there is still so much to do... my poor brain is reeling. Have to organize a neurologist, a wheelchair, a new care home (dad is only in respite), banking, legal documents. This last week has been particularly stressful... I felt like a deflated balloon yesterday. Thankfully I was able to sit on Bondi Beach for a while today to decompress.
Friday was Christmas lunch at Wentworth Manor. We took some pictures while waiting for everyone to be seated... it takes a lot of time to get all those wheelchairs into place! It was their annual lunch for residents and family. We had a plates of turkey, ham, stuffing, gravy, cranberries and roasted vegetables. Dessert was a really yummy, warm Christmas pudding with sauce Anglaise.
In looking at these pictures, dad is looking really good. He has put some more weight on... you can see it in his face. Even a photo from the weekend before, his face was more drawn.
Days are still up and down.... sometimes dad is clear, sometimes I don't understand him at all. They did mention at the care home that dad seems more settled... he's less on the lam these days. Seems more contented to remain in his bed, or his chair. I saw him teasing the activities manager one day. He caught her eye, even smiled. I had noticed before he had been withdrawing into himself. Perhaps it was those years of the stress of living on his own, taking care of himself and not knowing what his future was. Now that we're settling his care out, he can see that it isn't as bad as he had it pictured!
We are not sure if dad is going to remain in this home, or if we have to move him. There is a lot to take into account, financially, etc. Pretty torn though, as the care at the 'Manor' is top notch and I have not had to worry a moment about the care he has received there. (Though I do worry about him personally... if you can understand the difference.) He is now used to the care workers, and is used to the routine. The next few weeks will tell. Looking forward to getting it all resolved. I am waking up at 5 every morning worrying about him. Maybe I need a few more hours decompressing in front of the waves!!
All is well here in Rose Bay...
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A Poem
Let me grow lovely, growing old.
So many fine things do: laces and ivory and silks and gold;
And there’s healing in old trees; old streets a glamour hold.
Why may not I, as well as these, grow lovely growing old.
So many fine things do: laces and ivory and silks and gold;
And there’s healing in old trees; old streets a glamour hold.
Why may not I, as well as these, grow lovely growing old.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Fairy Tales
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The other day, I had been sitting talking with a friend about life and the curves it sends us. As a joke, she said, "Ugh... you're depressing. I'm depressed after talking to you."
Oops.
I don't mean to be depressing. Like everyone else, I am just trying to figure life out. Life isn't always a tea party... sometimes it's a storm in a cup.
I blame fairy tales for spinning their web of deceit in our youth. Some parents don't want their children playing with Barbie because of what she looks like. Personally, I have always like Barbie because there is nothing that girl cannot do! If you want to ban something, ban fairy tales. Snow White met her prince and they lived "happily ever after". Sleeping Beauty met her prince and they lived "happily ever after. Cinderella met her prince and they lived, you guessed it, "happily ever after". Talk about a fairytale... happily ever after... I am quite sure Cinderella would have had to pay for insurance and upkeep on her pumpkin coach. And imagine the housekeeping and maintenance on a castle... never ending!
Life doesn't always have a fairytale ending. I think our Western society believes everyone should have a happy ending. We tend not to cope with illness and death very well anymore... shocked when it happens; avoid it when we can.
Are we constantly thinking that happiness is just around the next corner? Think that and we might just be let down. We don't know what is around the next corner. Happiness should be within us, not coming from another source... another person, another experience.
I say this, as I look around dad's care home, and all those people are there alone. I say, you'd better like your own company, and be happy with yourself... because one day, if you are lucky enough, you are going to be spending a lot of time with your own company. Many people marry with the thought that they will grown old together. Maybe they will, and again, maybe they won't. Age, disease and senility take over, and it isn't always pretty.
Man! I AM depressing! This is a large note to myself as well. To forget the fairytale... that life is what you make it. No two lives are the same. Be happy within yourself, right now. Don't be waiting for someone to come along to make you happy, or an experience to bring about bliss.
Wow... expect big changes from me!
The other day, I had been sitting talking with a friend about life and the curves it sends us. As a joke, she said, "Ugh... you're depressing. I'm depressed after talking to you."
Oops.
I don't mean to be depressing. Like everyone else, I am just trying to figure life out. Life isn't always a tea party... sometimes it's a storm in a cup.
I blame fairy tales for spinning their web of deceit in our youth. Some parents don't want their children playing with Barbie because of what she looks like. Personally, I have always like Barbie because there is nothing that girl cannot do! If you want to ban something, ban fairy tales. Snow White met her prince and they lived "happily ever after". Sleeping Beauty met her prince and they lived "happily ever after. Cinderella met her prince and they lived, you guessed it, "happily ever after". Talk about a fairytale... happily ever after... I am quite sure Cinderella would have had to pay for insurance and upkeep on her pumpkin coach. And imagine the housekeeping and maintenance on a castle... never ending!
Life doesn't always have a fairytale ending. I think our Western society believes everyone should have a happy ending. We tend not to cope with illness and death very well anymore... shocked when it happens; avoid it when we can.
Are we constantly thinking that happiness is just around the next corner? Think that and we might just be let down. We don't know what is around the next corner. Happiness should be within us, not coming from another source... another person, another experience.
I say this, as I look around dad's care home, and all those people are there alone. I say, you'd better like your own company, and be happy with yourself... because one day, if you are lucky enough, you are going to be spending a lot of time with your own company. Many people marry with the thought that they will grown old together. Maybe they will, and again, maybe they won't. Age, disease and senility take over, and it isn't always pretty.
Man! I AM depressing! This is a large note to myself as well. To forget the fairytale... that life is what you make it. No two lives are the same. Be happy within yourself, right now. Don't be waiting for someone to come along to make you happy, or an experience to bring about bliss.
Wow... expect big changes from me!
Special Guests
Tuesday, December 8, 2011
Some special guests arrived this week by way of Tasmania. Dad's brother and sister-in-law flew up for a quick trip to welcome him back to Australia. When the three of us walked into the activity center on Monday afternoon, dad did not even bother to look at me... he was looking directly at his little brother. A few changes since they last saw each other ten years ago. Dad was exhausted by the end of the visit on the first day. On the second day, he was in better form. Stories remembered and laughs shared. His eyes were sparkling and there was a smile on his face... those days have been rare in the past three years. We are very thankful for the special visit... and look forward to more.
(PS... There were more special guests the previous week... dad's sister and brother-in-law. Unfortunately I missed them, but will catch up with them the next go around.)
Principal's Office
Monday, December 5, 2011
If the care home was a school... there is no doubt that I would find dad in the principal's office every other day. I am always slightly on edge walking into the home, as I don't know what dad has gotten up to that day. Walking in on Monday afternoon was no exception.
"Oh Donna. Your dad... ai-yi-yi."
Heart lurched once again. "What's up? Is he ok?"
"He's fine, I'll get the physio to talk to you."
By this point, I am standing at the interior door to dad's room, and I can see the glass door onto the balcony... my eyes focused on the spider web crack in the glass. Whaaaaat!?
A debrief from the physio revealed that they have been moving furniture around in his room. They have been trying to work the best combination with the bed to minimize him climbing out of it at night. It was moved so that one side of the bed is up against the wall. Therefore the large easy chair he was sitting in was moved against the glass. He has to be restrained in a chair at all times as he is not strong enough to walk around, yet he wants to take off. From what they can figure, he found the remote for the chair to tilt in backwards, and was trying to slip out from under the restraint. The pressure from the back of the chair cracked the glass!
Speaking to one of the workers there, she said to me that she had no doubt dad spent a lot of time in the principal's office when he was a boy. "He's naughty."
I looked at her and laughed, "He so is. Welcome to my world!" I then went on to tell her that for the past three years... dad has always been three steps ahead of me. I try to nip a problem off at the pass; he comes up from behind on a different course and causes more havoc. Every other day for the past three years, there has been some sort of drama. I feel vindicated to know that it wasn't me blowing it up into a drama!
She laughed and said that in her 10 years of working there, she has never seen property damage like that! Yep. That's my dad! She wanted to know if I was like that... up to no good! I told her that I tend to be honest and slightly nerdy... but that my two brothers tend towards the naughty! ;)
Boys!
If the care home was a school... there is no doubt that I would find dad in the principal's office every other day. I am always slightly on edge walking into the home, as I don't know what dad has gotten up to that day. Walking in on Monday afternoon was no exception.
"Oh Donna. Your dad... ai-yi-yi."
Heart lurched once again. "What's up? Is he ok?"
"He's fine, I'll get the physio to talk to you."
By this point, I am standing at the interior door to dad's room, and I can see the glass door onto the balcony... my eyes focused on the spider web crack in the glass. Whaaaaat!?
A debrief from the physio revealed that they have been moving furniture around in his room. They have been trying to work the best combination with the bed to minimize him climbing out of it at night. It was moved so that one side of the bed is up against the wall. Therefore the large easy chair he was sitting in was moved against the glass. He has to be restrained in a chair at all times as he is not strong enough to walk around, yet he wants to take off. From what they can figure, he found the remote for the chair to tilt in backwards, and was trying to slip out from under the restraint. The pressure from the back of the chair cracked the glass!
Speaking to one of the workers there, she said to me that she had no doubt dad spent a lot of time in the principal's office when he was a boy. "He's naughty."
I looked at her and laughed, "He so is. Welcome to my world!" I then went on to tell her that for the past three years... dad has always been three steps ahead of me. I try to nip a problem off at the pass; he comes up from behind on a different course and causes more havoc. Every other day for the past three years, there has been some sort of drama. I feel vindicated to know that it wasn't me blowing it up into a drama!
She laughed and said that in her 10 years of working there, she has never seen property damage like that! Yep. That's my dad! She wanted to know if I was like that... up to no good! I told her that I tend to be honest and slightly nerdy... but that my two brothers tend towards the naughty! ;)
Boys!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Friends
Thank you to everyone for your kind thoughts/messages/emails regarding the third anniversary of mom's passing. I spend the day helping prepare for and celebrating my cousin's 13th birthday at the beach. Was a lovely day... one mom would have really enjoyed. Life goes on and we embrace each moment.
So many times in the past three years, I have been frustrated that I have not been able to give my undivided attention to my friends and their own needs. After all, isn't a real friend one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Life is not smooth for any of us. Everyone has to deal with family problems, work problems, health problems, relationship problems. I apologize to my friends for being greedy on the take end of a give and take relationship. I am very thankful for everything that has been done for me to ease the burden.
I have been reminded again this week that we are not the only ones facing obstacles in life. Earlier this year, my brother and a friend were on a motorcycle trip from Vancouver to Buenos Aires. Their trip was cut short in Peru when Murray discovered he had cancer, and had to fly back home to Australia for treatments, and a re-evaluation of life and lifestyle. Combining modern medicine with alternative therapies, holistic wellness and an organic diet, Murray is using every tool in his arsenal to fight back cancer. To learn more about Murray's story, go to the Murray McNab Healing Foundation.
Here's to having friends, and being a friend... friends are the icing on the cake of life! (It's late, I can't come up with a better analogy!)
So many times in the past three years, I have been frustrated that I have not been able to give my undivided attention to my friends and their own needs. After all, isn't a real friend one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Life is not smooth for any of us. Everyone has to deal with family problems, work problems, health problems, relationship problems. I apologize to my friends for being greedy on the take end of a give and take relationship. I am very thankful for everything that has been done for me to ease the burden.
I have been reminded again this week that we are not the only ones facing obstacles in life. Earlier this year, my brother and a friend were on a motorcycle trip from Vancouver to Buenos Aires. Their trip was cut short in Peru when Murray discovered he had cancer, and had to fly back home to Australia for treatments, and a re-evaluation of life and lifestyle. Combining modern medicine with alternative therapies, holistic wellness and an organic diet, Murray is using every tool in his arsenal to fight back cancer. To learn more about Murray's story, go to the Murray McNab Healing Foundation.
Here's to having friends, and being a friend... friends are the icing on the cake of life! (It's late, I can't come up with a better analogy!)
Friday, December 2, 2011
100th Blog Post
Friday, December 2, 2011
Today marks a few milestone's. It was three years ago today that mom passed away. It has been one month since we moved to Sydney. This blog numbers 100 blog posts (I may admit to padding the blog this week to make the 100th milestone today.) of How's Your Dad... when I began writing this blog, I had no idea where this story would lead. Certainly not down the rocky path that it did.
I had started this blog post about mom a while ago, and never finished it. I'm not sure it will ever be finished, as there are so many memories... and how to put into writing such a special relationship. It feels a bit silly to even try to put it into words. However, these are some of the thoughts that have been on my mind, so will share as a way of remembering her...
If I had been told at 15 that one day I would be best of friends with my mom, I would have rolled my eyes and responded, 'Yeah, whatever.' My favorite expression at the time was, 'I'm moving out when I'm 18.' I recall my brother intercepting the two of us chasing each other around the kitchen island. I have no idea what we were fighting about, I just know there was always a battle of wills. Mom told me the story of being out at the mall by herself and being pretty upset with me. A woman asked her what was wrong, and she told her she was struggling with her young daughter. The woman said to mom, 'You just wait. One day your daughter will be your best friend.' I wonder if mom responded, 'Yeah, whatever.' ?
Best friends we did become. I don't know exactly when it started. I do know we used to go out for coffee or shopping or such, and dad would always tease us as we walked out the door...'Oooo... mother-daughter bonding session.' More often than not, we'd try to sneak out to avoid hearing it!
I didn't move out at 18, but rather, at 31. Well, I did live on my own briefly in the middle there, and travelled as well. 31 was the age I officially moved out... despite the taunts of my friends, wondering if I would ever leave home. (I am sure my parents wondered as well!) I can say now that I do not regret spending that additional time at home. I got to spend precious time with my mom. We were both night owls... so there were many many late night, often giggly, conversations. Even after I moved out on my own... I would call mom for a late night giggle. I recall one episode where I was lying on my bed, sobbing in fits of laughter. I have no idea what it was about, just recall being in pain from laughing so hard. What a good feeling laughter is. Hanging out with mom just made you feel happy and lighter.
I am not sure how it came up in conversation... I think something along the lines of mom saying to me... "I don't like that shoo-whop-bop song. It's always playing in the store." To which I replied... "I KNOW! Same with me." The song is Big Yellow Taxi, originally performed by Joni Mitchell, but there have been several renditions. Barely a week went by where we didn't hear the words "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot"... somewhere, in a store, car, doctor office... whenever we were out. Usually I would call her up as soon as I heard the song, and sing to her "shoo-whop-bop-bop." To which she would say, "Noooooooo!!!" It was so random, the number of times we would hear that single song. Must have been because the lyrics were so memorable that we would always notice that single tune. To this day, whenever I hear, "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot"... I smile and remember all the laughs we had together over that song.
I am quite sure that that song came on when we were out together shopping one day. I started an impromptu dance in the middle of the aisle in the store, just to get her laughing. She said, "They have videos in this store, you know." To which I turned around and waved to the hidden camera. She disappeared down the next aisle, laughing and shaking her head all the while. That was life with mom... happy.
Two days before she passed away, mom was in the kitchen preparing lunch, and I was standing there chatting to her. (Surely, I had been helping her, I don't remember!) I will never forget her words... You need to go be with your dad, he feels left out sometimes." I remember sitting down next to dad on the couch, and looking through a magazine with him, chatting all the while (as I tend to do). Here he was missing out on my relationship as at the time, I didn't know how to handle his disease... and he was hard to communicate with. Mom had to point that out to me. A relationship with mom was easy and enjoyable... it must have been easier to be with her and deal with him at arms length. How that was about to all change...
Following mom's passing, I found out that she was getting ready for a visit to Australia with dad. I had no idea... she sometimes liked to do things in private and then announce at the last minute what her plans were. I have no doubt that it was an exploratory trip, as they had always wanted to retire in Australia, but dad's Parkinson's definitely cramped their style. If mom had known that we had moved to Australia without her, I know she would have said, 'Bummer.' Mom was always up for some fun... if I ever called her for coffee, she would say 'sure' before I finished the sentence.
There is no way these words can do justice to what mom meant to me. They feel trite and silly compared to all that mom gave us. She shaped our lives so deeply and completely... I can't make a pie without hearing her words of advice in every step of the process, I see her in my hand gestures, I remember her in conversations we had about dad... enabling me to carry on with him. A mother's unconditional love can never be replaced. In losing mom, we lost our biggest cheering squad. No one else will ever cheer louder, stronger for one of her own.
In the week before she passed away, another young family we knew lost their mother. I recall walking through the grocery store, talking to mom on my cell phone. (I had phone conversations with her everywhere.) We were talking about losing a mom, and I commented that I couldn't imagine losing a mom. Mom said that she still missed her own mother desperately, having lost her mom almost five years to the day of our conversation. That she missed her every day. I can relate to that now.
One of the things mom and I used to say after one of our hour-long conversations was, "I think we've covered everything, there's nothing left to say." Indeed, I do feel like we didn't leave anything left unsaid between us. It doesn't mean I wouldn't want one more conversation with her.
I can't believe we have had to live three years without her already. I can't believe I have to go through the rest of my life without a mom. I am thankful for the time I did have with her. Thankful that we made it through the terrible teen years to have an incredible relationship and friendship.
I miss her.
Today marks a few milestone's. It was three years ago today that mom passed away. It has been one month since we moved to Sydney. This blog numbers 100 blog posts (I may admit to padding the blog this week to make the 100th milestone today.) of How's Your Dad... when I began writing this blog, I had no idea where this story would lead. Certainly not down the rocky path that it did.
I had started this blog post about mom a while ago, and never finished it. I'm not sure it will ever be finished, as there are so many memories... and how to put into writing such a special relationship. It feels a bit silly to even try to put it into words. However, these are some of the thoughts that have been on my mind, so will share as a way of remembering her...
If I had been told at 15 that one day I would be best of friends with my mom, I would have rolled my eyes and responded, 'Yeah, whatever.' My favorite expression at the time was, 'I'm moving out when I'm 18.' I recall my brother intercepting the two of us chasing each other around the kitchen island. I have no idea what we were fighting about, I just know there was always a battle of wills. Mom told me the story of being out at the mall by herself and being pretty upset with me. A woman asked her what was wrong, and she told her she was struggling with her young daughter. The woman said to mom, 'You just wait. One day your daughter will be your best friend.' I wonder if mom responded, 'Yeah, whatever.' ?
Best friends we did become. I don't know exactly when it started. I do know we used to go out for coffee or shopping or such, and dad would always tease us as we walked out the door...'Oooo... mother-daughter bonding session.' More often than not, we'd try to sneak out to avoid hearing it!
I didn't move out at 18, but rather, at 31. Well, I did live on my own briefly in the middle there, and travelled as well. 31 was the age I officially moved out... despite the taunts of my friends, wondering if I would ever leave home. (I am sure my parents wondered as well!) I can say now that I do not regret spending that additional time at home. I got to spend precious time with my mom. We were both night owls... so there were many many late night, often giggly, conversations. Even after I moved out on my own... I would call mom for a late night giggle. I recall one episode where I was lying on my bed, sobbing in fits of laughter. I have no idea what it was about, just recall being in pain from laughing so hard. What a good feeling laughter is. Hanging out with mom just made you feel happy and lighter.
I am not sure how it came up in conversation... I think something along the lines of mom saying to me... "I don't like that shoo-whop-bop song. It's always playing in the store." To which I replied... "I KNOW! Same with me." The song is Big Yellow Taxi, originally performed by Joni Mitchell, but there have been several renditions. Barely a week went by where we didn't hear the words "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot"... somewhere, in a store, car, doctor office... whenever we were out. Usually I would call her up as soon as I heard the song, and sing to her "shoo-whop-bop-bop." To which she would say, "Noooooooo!!!" It was so random, the number of times we would hear that single song. Must have been because the lyrics were so memorable that we would always notice that single tune. To this day, whenever I hear, "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot"... I smile and remember all the laughs we had together over that song.
I am quite sure that that song came on when we were out together shopping one day. I started an impromptu dance in the middle of the aisle in the store, just to get her laughing. She said, "They have videos in this store, you know." To which I turned around and waved to the hidden camera. She disappeared down the next aisle, laughing and shaking her head all the while. That was life with mom... happy.
Two days before she passed away, mom was in the kitchen preparing lunch, and I was standing there chatting to her. (Surely, I had been helping her, I don't remember!) I will never forget her words... You need to go be with your dad, he feels left out sometimes." I remember sitting down next to dad on the couch, and looking through a magazine with him, chatting all the while (as I tend to do). Here he was missing out on my relationship as at the time, I didn't know how to handle his disease... and he was hard to communicate with. Mom had to point that out to me. A relationship with mom was easy and enjoyable... it must have been easier to be with her and deal with him at arms length. How that was about to all change...
Following mom's passing, I found out that she was getting ready for a visit to Australia with dad. I had no idea... she sometimes liked to do things in private and then announce at the last minute what her plans were. I have no doubt that it was an exploratory trip, as they had always wanted to retire in Australia, but dad's Parkinson's definitely cramped their style. If mom had known that we had moved to Australia without her, I know she would have said, 'Bummer.' Mom was always up for some fun... if I ever called her for coffee, she would say 'sure' before I finished the sentence.
There is no way these words can do justice to what mom meant to me. They feel trite and silly compared to all that mom gave us. She shaped our lives so deeply and completely... I can't make a pie without hearing her words of advice in every step of the process, I see her in my hand gestures, I remember her in conversations we had about dad... enabling me to carry on with him. A mother's unconditional love can never be replaced. In losing mom, we lost our biggest cheering squad. No one else will ever cheer louder, stronger for one of her own.
In the week before she passed away, another young family we knew lost their mother. I recall walking through the grocery store, talking to mom on my cell phone. (I had phone conversations with her everywhere.) We were talking about losing a mom, and I commented that I couldn't imagine losing a mom. Mom said that she still missed her own mother desperately, having lost her mom almost five years to the day of our conversation. That she missed her every day. I can relate to that now.
One of the things mom and I used to say after one of our hour-long conversations was, "I think we've covered everything, there's nothing left to say." Indeed, I do feel like we didn't leave anything left unsaid between us. It doesn't mean I wouldn't want one more conversation with her.
I can't believe we have had to live three years without her already. I can't believe I have to go through the rest of my life without a mom. I am thankful for the time I did have with her. Thankful that we made it through the terrible teen years to have an incredible relationship and friendship.
I miss her.
Slow News Day
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Bit of a slow news day here... to comment on dad's overall health... he says his hip is not giving him too much pain. His words aren't as slurred as before, but I am still having a hard time understanding him Partly because his words are slurred, and partly because sometimes the things he says make no sense at all.
Today he made me smile though... as he has been studying the layout of the care home, and has determined it is the same layout of a hotel. For some reason this entertained me... for everything going on, he still has that part of his mind going... the part that observes and analyzes. I told him that once we get him settled into a place, I will put up some pictures we are shipping from BC, and other items to make it feel a little more personal. Protesting, he said he didn't want pictures, and calendars all over the place. I told him I would practice some restraint and promised he would not end up with a whole lot of clutter. He seemed to be happy with that.
Bit of a slow news day here... to comment on dad's overall health... he says his hip is not giving him too much pain. His words aren't as slurred as before, but I am still having a hard time understanding him Partly because his words are slurred, and partly because sometimes the things he says make no sense at all.
Today he made me smile though... as he has been studying the layout of the care home, and has determined it is the same layout of a hotel. For some reason this entertained me... for everything going on, he still has that part of his mind going... the part that observes and analyzes. I told him that once we get him settled into a place, I will put up some pictures we are shipping from BC, and other items to make it feel a little more personal. Protesting, he said he didn't want pictures, and calendars all over the place. I told him I would practice some restraint and promised he would not end up with a whole lot of clutter. He seemed to be happy with that.
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