I Am Exhausted

I'm exhausted.

As in, drop to my knees, slump over on my face, exhausted. I know I am sometimes onsidered a drama queen. But caring for a sick relative for 3 1/2 years will make you slightly batty. This is why we take it a day at a time ... if someone had told me 3 1/2 years ago this would still be going on, I would have bolted. Because that solves every problem. 

I was so excited to have filed our Canadian taxes as of Apr 30. It had been ongoing for over two months... starting with the arrival of our shipment and sorting through file boxes for paperwork for the 2011 taxes. (There was no room in our carry on baggage for everything.) The relief was immense... but didn't last very long. 

We have been trying to sell dad's property in Canada for quite some time. Learned some truths along the way... Was often told that the assessed price of a property was just a number to base property taxes on and you'd make more money off the property. Myth! Was also told that property always gains value. Another myth! Was thinking how ironic it was that when mom and dad went to buy their new place, everything was sold out. They actually got lucky and got their place in a fire sale. Literally... the sale for their apartment fell through with the original buyer because he ended up with a fire on his property and couldn't buy the apartment. When mom and I walked through the showroom, we happened to overhear that a unit had come back on the market that morning. We swooped in and picked it up. (They had to move as mom had listed their large house for sale, knowing she couldn't manage it and dad with his disease.) So the apartment that everyone had to have back in it's marketing heyday... we could now hardly get rid of it. So many lookers, but no bites. 

In the process, we learned that there are further issues to deal with in the process of selling property once you've moved out of the country. That, complicated with the fact that dad cannot manage his own affairs, means more paperwork. Endless paperwork. Files to go through, copies to be made, emails to be sent, coordination of professionals in Canada and Australia. 

A while ago, I made a dramatic Facebook update saying that the next time I have a brilliant idea, such as moving an ill father overseas, talk me out of it.' Let me explain... the sheer volume of paperwork is threatening to drown me. I would have had enough to do, moving dad into care in Canada. Let alone moving him overseas and setting up a new life. 

I had the worst headache in my life last week... at some points, I had to cradle my head in my hands, the pain has been so great. Is it any wonder... I can't switch my brain off. It has been computing non-stop... running numbers, locating files, organizing, scheduling, over and over and over again. 

When yet another piece of mail arrived on my desk requesting more information... more gathering of information, copies, mailing... that I filed it in the 'Too Hard' pile. I've had enough of paperwork for the moment.  Because putting your head in the sand solves everything!

I stopped in at dad's last Friday afternoon, with some new clothes and a treat... thinking we could share it out in the garden in the sunshine. As I was signing the clothes in, a nurse found me. She said my name, I turned to her and I saw 'The Look.' Oh no. What now. I think those were my words. 

'Your dad has a chest infection. I've been meaning to call you. The doctor saw him yesterday and put him on antibiotics. I didn't want to worry you.'

Worry me?! Why not. It's what I do best. If I've learned anything out of this experience, it's to worry. Because that solves everything. 

The last time dad had a chest infection, he was at the hospital awaiting hip surgery. It was postponed while they waited for the infection to clear. We were told to expect the worst... that chest infections in Parkinson's patients can complicate things. I spent the day wandering around the city in a daze, wondering how people could go about their lives as ours continued to crumble. He pulled through that infection though ... and went on to have a successful surgery. So far he's managed with the antibiotics with this chest infection.  I plan on seeing him again tomorrow, so will see how he is faring.

And that is life with Parkinson's.