Father's Day

Dad doesn't have any grandchildren... don't look at me, I'm not taking all the blame!  He does have a couple of cuties who come to visit once in a while!!!

Cough, cough, sniff, hack, hack... it's the Symphony of Sydney Winter. (Though with lows of 9C and highs of 19C, it sounds much like Vancouver's June.) Everywhere you go right now, in the store, on the street, in the bus, you hear the sounds of people battling a cold. I have had one for over two weeks now, my brother has had one for over three. Other people seem to be dealing with the same symptoms... just when you think it's over, the throat flares up again, or the nose starts dripping like a faucet. You just want it to be over and feeling well again. Then I thought of people like dad, who are saddled with illness, with no break. I cannot imagine what that is like.  I asked dad the other week how he was doing, and he said, "What do you think?" Suddenly, struggling with the common cold seems, well, common.

There are times when dad is very much aware of the effects of his disease.  One day he said to me, "So, this is what it's about?  Sitting around?  It's a bit boring."  Other days he doesn't seem to mind being "retired"...  I went to see him the other day... he was so sleepy he couldn't even communicate a word to me. I am having a hard time believing how far his disease has come in the past year. This time a year ago, he was still living on his own, albeit with growing assistance. Now he needs assistance for everything.

I often recall a long phone conversation I had with him about this time last year.  Looking back, I realize it would be one of the the last conversations I had with him. His speech was failing him before his fall last September, and the fall was the last straw.  Now dad, like most dads, didn't have much time for talking on the phone. That time, however, I spoke to him for over an hour... just about his situation, my situation.  I have just realized that while I have been missing my mom, I have also been missing dad as well. I was always "daddy's girl"... and for good reason.  He was always grounded, perceptive, intelligent. I could always count on his opinion to be the right one, no matter how much I disliked it.  Ha... no doubt many a teen aged argument stemmed from this!

I recall being little, waking up with worries and searching out mom. One look at my face and she would tell me to go find my dad. There was one particular time in high school when I was going through a particular worrisome patch... dad was steady and calm in listening to my fears, and alleviated them for me.

I leaned on that steadiness my whole life... so perhaps that explains my hysteria throughout this whole experience. I have lost the stability I relied on my whole life.... when I needed it the most. I guess that means it is time to grow up... and learn from the example I was given.
Mom passed on a story just before she passed away... that when they would walk down the street, dad would always walk on the street side of the road and she would walk on the inside. She said he was a gentleman in that regard... and made her feel cherished and protected.

In writing this, I have just clued in that it is coming up Father's Day in North America on June 17.  It is not Father's Day in Australia until September.  So it feels an appropriate time to remember the fathers in our lives.  If we have been fortunate enough to have such a figure in our lives... a steady, sensible, stable influence.  The men who rise each morning, week in, year out to provide for their families.  Who work hard, and take on the constant stress of mortgages, rents, bills, food, clothing, transport, education. Who not only provide, but guide and encourage, and if they have anything left over after all that... entertain!  And without too much complaint, I may add.  Dad worked as a labourer his whole life... putting his body and soul into it.  Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not recall him complaining about his lot in life.  He may have been tired or frustrated with the job at hand... but he never complained about having a family to provide for.

These words feel a bit trivial in light of what has been given to us.  That is what Father's Day is all about, I guess... an acknowledgement of the sacrifice and love given to families by fathers.  If we were one of the lucky ones.