I cannot believe this is the last day of 2012. Where has the year gone? A fair bit has gone on this year... got dad settled into a care home, sold his place in Canada, got our Canadian affairs in order and opened up our Australian affairs, and I have gone back to get more schooling. Hmmm... I guess things have been accomplished!
I have even caught myself making resolutions... when previously, my only resolve was not to make resolutions. I have found myself looking forward to 2013 as a blank slate. From 2009 on, I faced each year with trepidation. I know that sounds negative, and the optimists out there would reel in horror. That first year we were grappling with losing mom, and had her affairs to settle. Then there was the issue of dad's Parkinson's disease and the unknown. In September 2009 was when we first noticed dad's dementia, though at the time we associated it with the medication and not the disease. (Denial, it's not just a river in Egypt!) With the steady decline of the Parkinson's, it always felt like I was trying to duct tape back the bottom of a wet paper bag. Last year,.. even with dad in care, there was still the care home to finalize, house in Canada to be sold, and other things to tie up. This is the first time in a long time that I am not filled with dread for the coming year.
I have just finished an excellent book called Adapt: Why Success Always Starts With Failure by Tim Harford. He writes that accidents happen and that contingency plans would help. When the bottom fell out of the Lehman Brothers bank, they didn't have a contingency plan. Over four years ago, I remember saying to mom for one reason or another... 'Nothing better happen to you, and I'm left with dad... could you imagine?' Can you imagine. There was no contingency plan, because we didn't want to think the unthinkable. A contingency plan is a course of action to follow when things don't follow the expected path. I cannot help but think that if we sat down following dad's diagnose with Parkinson's disease, and discussed future possibilities... then each of us wouldn't have felt so alone in our situation. (De Nile, it IS just a river in Egypt.)
Well, you cannot go back and change the past, but you can learn from it. While we may not have spoken about many things, we did touch on a few; one time I saw mom struggling to open a jar with her arthritic hands. I wondered aloud if it was my destiny to look after my parents. Mom very emphatically told me that no parent wants that for their child. Two things I did know was that dad did not want to end up in a scary care home, and that my parents wanted me to live my own life and follow my dreams. In the end, I think we got there!
As for "How's your dad" this week... I have been away on a bit of a break, but my brother went in to visit him yesterday. Now for all of you who know my brother(s) know that he (they) have a bit of a seal bark for a cough. My brother was explaining it to dad, and dad said that it sounded like bronchitis. My brother said he could have saved himself a trip to the doctor! Father knows best.
A special thank you to everyone for following this blog; for your messages of love and support throughout the year. May you have the wheels set in motion for 2013 to be a great year, and a contingency plan to carry you through in case life happens. Because life always happens! Love from Donna and Company...
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
How Do You Eat An Elephant?
I've had a few questions about lack of blog updates. Dad's condition remains steady; so thankfully no dramas! I have been trying to gauge exactly where he is at. In recent visits, we've wondered if his dementia is getting worse. He still recognizes us, but seems to be struggling more to communicate - both in speech and comprehension. I was speaking with someone as to how to cope with the situation. I appreciated the advice I received - that while dad's body is no longer able to do what he once did, his spirit and essence is still there, and we can still connect to that. Sometimes I understand how to make that connection, other times it's a struggle - particularly when he's falling asleep on me. His sense of humor is still there... and getting him to smile is quite rewarding. He was king of one-liners, so if we remind him of that, he gives us a cheeky half-grin.
I've been surprised - not to mention overwhelmed - by the amount of mail still coming in for dad that requires my attention. I've not written much here recently because I've felt overwhelmed by life. Have often thought of the expression 'sink or swim'. Indeed, when you go for a swim in the surf here, you have to take on one wave after another. You can either panic with each wave that comes along, or you can relax and appreciate the power and fun that comes with each wave. Life is one rolling wave after another... it doesn't seem to stop! In the middle of all of this, I made the decision to go back to school to upgrade my skills. I have been frustrated at lagging behind for a long time.
(Another thing I've learned is that you have to constantly educate yourself. Again... if you think of life as a series of waves, you need to hone your skills to stay afloat. Besides - it’s so rewarding to learn new things. That's one thing my dad taught me by example... have a sense of curiosity that leads you to learning new things. Dad never finished high school, but he had such a wealth of knowledge on a broad range of topics. If you ever wanted to know something, you asked dad! Those were the days before Wikipedia!)
I digress... back to my story... I initially took an intro design course, and now have to take a makeup course in order to enter the fast track diploma course in Feb. I love the work, but am worried I won't have enough time to do each assignment properly. Which brings me to the title of this post... how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I had similar advice when I embarked on the move overseas, which was very helpful but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere along the line. You can't eat an elephant all at once, but if you break it down into bite sized pieces... well, you might just surprise yourself!!
I think that's enough analogies for this post! We're here, we're coping, and I guess that's all anyone can ask for.
(Sydney weather update... 32C - overcast with a hot wind blowing. Apparently this means cooler weather is on the way!? Still learning about the weather patterns here!)
I've been surprised - not to mention overwhelmed - by the amount of mail still coming in for dad that requires my attention. I've not written much here recently because I've felt overwhelmed by life. Have often thought of the expression 'sink or swim'. Indeed, when you go for a swim in the surf here, you have to take on one wave after another. You can either panic with each wave that comes along, or you can relax and appreciate the power and fun that comes with each wave. Life is one rolling wave after another... it doesn't seem to stop! In the middle of all of this, I made the decision to go back to school to upgrade my skills. I have been frustrated at lagging behind for a long time.
(Another thing I've learned is that you have to constantly educate yourself. Again... if you think of life as a series of waves, you need to hone your skills to stay afloat. Besides - it’s so rewarding to learn new things. That's one thing my dad taught me by example... have a sense of curiosity that leads you to learning new things. Dad never finished high school, but he had such a wealth of knowledge on a broad range of topics. If you ever wanted to know something, you asked dad! Those were the days before Wikipedia!)
I digress... back to my story... I initially took an intro design course, and now have to take a makeup course in order to enter the fast track diploma course in Feb. I love the work, but am worried I won't have enough time to do each assignment properly. Which brings me to the title of this post... how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I had similar advice when I embarked on the move overseas, which was very helpful but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere along the line. You can't eat an elephant all at once, but if you break it down into bite sized pieces... well, you might just surprise yourself!!
I think that's enough analogies for this post! We're here, we're coping, and I guess that's all anyone can ask for.
(Sydney weather update... 32C - overcast with a hot wind blowing. Apparently this means cooler weather is on the way!? Still learning about the weather patterns here!)
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