To Be or Not to Be

Still no confirmed answer in a forward move to Australia. Did I honestly think life was going to be that easy? You’d think I’d have learned by now.

The following was written after the July 15th follow up visit to a specialist. You see, dad had some routine procedures carried out, and in the meantime, they found some questionable spots in the camera. We had to go back to the specialist’s office to discuss forward steps from here, and a biopsy has been booked for early August. I had hoped to be in the final packing stages by then… not taking yet another trip to the hospital.

“We sat down with the specialist and he told us what's going on with dad. I told him what our plans are, in moving to Australia. And that it needs to be done soon because of dad’s deteriorating condition. Dad needs a biopsy done to determine what the spots are. They’re 70% sure it’s not cancer, but want to confirm that. The specialist was great, and understood the gravity of the issue of getting dad taken care of as soon as possible, and not waiting around for another 6-8 weeks for more procedures. He got us in on August 2 at the hospital for the biopsy so that we wouldn't have to wait for a spot at the clinic. We then we have a follow up appointment on Sep 1. It can’t be sooner as the doctor is away on holiday in August. If he sees something scary, he'll be letting us know in the biopsy, or shortly thereafter. I am going to ask him at the biopsy if I can book flights and moving company for mid-September. I guess if the news comes back on Sep 1 that it is cancer, we will have to postpone/cancel plans at that time. But I don’t really want to put off the move much longer, or dad won’t be able to go. As it is now, we’re pushing it."

I can’t believe we have the threat of cancer hanging over our heads. Mom’s heart attack and dad’s Parkinson’s and Lewy body disease has been enough to bear without adding another major disease to the mix. When the specialist told me during the last procedure that he found “questionable spots”, I sobbed all the way home. Not sure how much more we can take. I guess the good news if it is cancer is that it’s treatable and survivable…. but it’s still the dreaded ‘C’ word. There will be more appointments and procedures to organize and attend. The doctor’s visits compound as the months go by and it consumes more and more time.