Living with Grief

Who knew grief and falling in love shared the same symptoms? I was reading October 2011 Vogue late last night and a book called Nine Symptoms was introduced in an article ... The book had surrealist Victorian pictures detailing the physical manifestations of falling in love: shortness of breath, heart-rate increase, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, weakness, fever, chills, delirium and euphoria.

It was a coincidence to read that, as I had just written the following paragraph, and had been trying to go to sleep, only to get up for a midnight snack and something to read.

"It bubbles away, just under the surface. Thick, sad, hot, angry, grief. It erupts into the pit of the stomach, a quivering, nervous jelly. It causes the hands to shake, clear up to the elbows. The head feels like it's been stuffed inside cotton batting, the outside world slightly muffled. The skin on the face is numb, slightly mottled in some places, hot pink in others. And today, a new symptom... painful cheekbones. I guess the skin can only take so much tension before it transfers elsewhere."

Apart from euphoria, the other symptoms of falling in love are also the symptoms of grief. Shortness of breath, heart-rate increase, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, weakness, fever, chills, delirium.

And such was my weekend; crashing down after the worry, fretting and telling of the story over and over. The body can only take so much, before it screams out for a break. Much needed R&R. But also too much time to think. And worry some more.

Also last night, after getting up for a midnight snack (what was I thinking, going to bed at 9pm... as if this night owl would go to sleep at 9am!), I logged back in to Facebook for some friendly company. And if I didn't find a lovely blog post by my friend, Michelle, sharing my experience on her blog, Every Little Thing; Knowing Me, Knowing You. I can't even explain how encouraged I was to read her supportive and kind words. It was just what I needed in the moment. Another reminder that we are all connected... and that words of encouragement multiply when shared. So thank you...