Sometimes I wonder - actually, most of the time! - I wonder about my need for oversharing! This post feels very personal... yet I have always tried to be honest, and hope that this is coming from an honest place. I was thinking today that despite this tough experience, there has been much personal growth... and would I change the experience if I could?
I had a moment of insight yesterday that I wanted to share. I was speaking with a friend about her little boy. She had said that he fell ill while in the care of a family member who loved him as their own and he was being well cared for. However, she felt compelled to be there with him to comfort and reassure him while he was feeling so poorly. I looked at her, paused and said, "That is exactly how I feel with dad." We spoke a about female instinct and how others looking on may not understand it. I am sure people look on me and wonder why I feel compelled to visit dad so often when he is in a care home and well looked after. Yet there is something within me that wants to be there to reassure him and tell him it will be ok. Over and over again. I realize I cannot be there all the time to help him, of course that's not healthy. It is about finding the balance in life so that I have my own interests, but that I can be there for him as well.
I had a nice visit with dad tonight... talking about girders, joists and beams! (Will have to brush up on the rest of my construction vocab to continue the conversation!) I am not sure why he has it in his head that he is only there temporarily and has overstayed his welcome... there's that need of reassurance from me! He said to me tonight that he was sad to have to be moving on, as he really enjoyed it there. I reassured him that he indeed did not have to move on, but that that was his home now. But wait... what was the end of that sentence? He was really enjoying living there? I cannot tell you how happy that made me feel. All the blood, sweat and tears involved to get him there was worth it. In low moments, I questioned myself on such an undertaking. It's such a relief to know that he is happy there.
I must confess that am having first little bout of homesickness at the thought of everyone in Canada getting together this holiday weekend for mounds of turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes. I have lots of special memories of Thanksgiving meals shared with so many fabulous friends. I wonder though, if it has anything to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is the last holiday we shared with mom. Four years on, already. I remember that meal so well, us girls sitting around the table, having a good old chin wag. Maybe that is why turkey dinner is my favorite... not so much for the food... as for what it represents... friends, family and laughter. So here's wishing all my fabulous Canadian friends a lovely Thanksgiving weekend. To special memories... and special times still to come! xo
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