I promised myself after the last post that I wouldn't get all sappy any more. However... I had a couple of thoughts that I just could not keep to myself!
When I went to visit dad tonight, it was the first time that I felt like he did not need me. (Or was it that I did not need him?) I can see he is more settled and content. It is not like he isn't going to need me in the future, should there be another fall or such... but I really hope we are on a flat bit of road for a while! Here is hoping those words don't come back to haunt me... but I think the both of us are due some reprieve.
I looked at dad sitting in his chair at the dinner table and was momentarily saddened that he was on his own; that mom wasn't there at his side to be a comfort to him. In life, people are always looking for their soul mate to grow old with. The reality is, someone has to continue on the journey on their own. Most everyone in dad's care home are there alone. My thought was this... you really do have to like who you are and enjoy your own company. Anything else is icing on the cake. My other thought is that life is precious. When you have as many days behind you as you have before you, you find yourself not wanting to waste precious time. I think of all the time I put in at jobs I didn't like, thinking I had time to squander. I can't change that now, but definitely want to make better choices in the future.
Best let this be all for now. To quote the wise words of someone I know, "Do you think that maybe you have too much time to think?"
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