I cannot believe this is the last day of 2012. Where has the year gone? A fair bit has gone on this year... got dad settled into a care home, sold his place in Canada, got our Canadian affairs in order and opened up our Australian affairs, and I have gone back to get more schooling. Hmmm... I guess things have been accomplished!
I have even caught myself making resolutions... when previously, my only resolve was not to make resolutions. I have found myself looking forward to 2013 as a blank slate. From 2009 on, I faced each year with trepidation. I know that sounds negative, and the optimists out there would reel in horror. That first year we were grappling with losing mom, and had her affairs to settle. Then there was the issue of dad's Parkinson's disease and the unknown. In September 2009 was when we first noticed dad's dementia, though at the time we associated it with the medication and not the disease. (Denial, it's not just a river in Egypt!) With the steady decline of the Parkinson's, it always felt like I was trying to duct tape back the bottom of a wet paper bag. Last year,.. even with dad in care, there was still the care home to finalize, house in Canada to be sold, and other things to tie up. This is the first time in a long time that I am not filled with dread for the coming year.
I have just finished an excellent book called Adapt: Why Success Always Starts With Failure by Tim Harford. He writes that accidents happen and that contingency plans would help. When the bottom fell out of the Lehman Brothers bank, they didn't have a contingency plan. Over four years ago, I remember saying to mom for one reason or another... 'Nothing better happen to you, and I'm left with dad... could you imagine?' Can you imagine. There was no contingency plan, because we didn't want to think the unthinkable. A contingency plan is a course of action to follow when things don't follow the expected path. I cannot help but think that if we sat down following dad's diagnose with Parkinson's disease, and discussed future possibilities... then each of us wouldn't have felt so alone in our situation. (De Nile, it IS just a river in Egypt.)
Well, you cannot go back and change the past, but you can learn from it. While we may not have spoken about many things, we did touch on a few; one time I saw mom struggling to open a jar with her arthritic hands. I wondered aloud if it was my destiny to look after my parents. Mom very emphatically told me that no parent wants that for their child. Two things I did know was that dad did not want to end up in a scary care home, and that my parents wanted me to live my own life and follow my dreams. In the end, I think we got there!
As for "How's your dad" this week... I have been away on a bit of a break, but my brother went in to visit him yesterday. Now for all of you who know my brother(s) know that he (they) have a bit of a seal bark for a cough. My brother was explaining it to dad, and dad said that it sounded like bronchitis. My brother said he could have saved himself a trip to the doctor! Father knows best.
A special thank you to everyone for following this blog; for your messages of love and support throughout the year. May you have the wheels set in motion for 2013 to be a great year, and a contingency plan to carry you through in case life happens. Because life always happens! Love from Donna and Company...
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
How Do You Eat An Elephant?
I've had a few questions about lack of blog updates. Dad's condition remains steady; so thankfully no dramas! I have been trying to gauge exactly where he is at. In recent visits, we've wondered if his dementia is getting worse. He still recognizes us, but seems to be struggling more to communicate - both in speech and comprehension. I was speaking with someone as to how to cope with the situation. I appreciated the advice I received - that while dad's body is no longer able to do what he once did, his spirit and essence is still there, and we can still connect to that. Sometimes I understand how to make that connection, other times it's a struggle - particularly when he's falling asleep on me. His sense of humor is still there... and getting him to smile is quite rewarding. He was king of one-liners, so if we remind him of that, he gives us a cheeky half-grin.
I've been surprised - not to mention overwhelmed - by the amount of mail still coming in for dad that requires my attention. I've not written much here recently because I've felt overwhelmed by life. Have often thought of the expression 'sink or swim'. Indeed, when you go for a swim in the surf here, you have to take on one wave after another. You can either panic with each wave that comes along, or you can relax and appreciate the power and fun that comes with each wave. Life is one rolling wave after another... it doesn't seem to stop! In the middle of all of this, I made the decision to go back to school to upgrade my skills. I have been frustrated at lagging behind for a long time.
(Another thing I've learned is that you have to constantly educate yourself. Again... if you think of life as a series of waves, you need to hone your skills to stay afloat. Besides - it’s so rewarding to learn new things. That's one thing my dad taught me by example... have a sense of curiosity that leads you to learning new things. Dad never finished high school, but he had such a wealth of knowledge on a broad range of topics. If you ever wanted to know something, you asked dad! Those were the days before Wikipedia!)
I digress... back to my story... I initially took an intro design course, and now have to take a makeup course in order to enter the fast track diploma course in Feb. I love the work, but am worried I won't have enough time to do each assignment properly. Which brings me to the title of this post... how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I had similar advice when I embarked on the move overseas, which was very helpful but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere along the line. You can't eat an elephant all at once, but if you break it down into bite sized pieces... well, you might just surprise yourself!!
I think that's enough analogies for this post! We're here, we're coping, and I guess that's all anyone can ask for.
(Sydney weather update... 32C - overcast with a hot wind blowing. Apparently this means cooler weather is on the way!? Still learning about the weather patterns here!)
I've been surprised - not to mention overwhelmed - by the amount of mail still coming in for dad that requires my attention. I've not written much here recently because I've felt overwhelmed by life. Have often thought of the expression 'sink or swim'. Indeed, when you go for a swim in the surf here, you have to take on one wave after another. You can either panic with each wave that comes along, or you can relax and appreciate the power and fun that comes with each wave. Life is one rolling wave after another... it doesn't seem to stop! In the middle of all of this, I made the decision to go back to school to upgrade my skills. I have been frustrated at lagging behind for a long time.
(Another thing I've learned is that you have to constantly educate yourself. Again... if you think of life as a series of waves, you need to hone your skills to stay afloat. Besides - it’s so rewarding to learn new things. That's one thing my dad taught me by example... have a sense of curiosity that leads you to learning new things. Dad never finished high school, but he had such a wealth of knowledge on a broad range of topics. If you ever wanted to know something, you asked dad! Those were the days before Wikipedia!)
I digress... back to my story... I initially took an intro design course, and now have to take a makeup course in order to enter the fast track diploma course in Feb. I love the work, but am worried I won't have enough time to do each assignment properly. Which brings me to the title of this post... how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I had similar advice when I embarked on the move overseas, which was very helpful but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere along the line. You can't eat an elephant all at once, but if you break it down into bite sized pieces... well, you might just surprise yourself!!
I think that's enough analogies for this post! We're here, we're coping, and I guess that's all anyone can ask for.
(Sydney weather update... 32C - overcast with a hot wind blowing. Apparently this means cooler weather is on the way!? Still learning about the weather patterns here!)
Monday, November 12, 2012
How IS Your Dad?
Oh dear, today is one of those days where I question my sensibility of having moved a sick father overseas. It started with one letter in the mail, then another, then another. All official documents requiring additional supporting documents of our move overseas. Which requires a letter, and lengthy explanation of the situation, plus more photocopying and printing. The poor old PoA papers are almost threadbare due to so much copying. Groan. I digress.
Hard to believe that we have clicked over our one year anniversary of moving here. We have come along way, yet I feel so far from being settled. I had a thought the other day that it has been easier to get dad settled than myself. Having had put my life/studies/career on pause for the past few years... I am finding the pause button to be stuck! Some days are better than others. Today is not one of those days. Again, I digress.
Tuesday last week was Melbourne Cup day. I was trying to remember what I had done last year, as usually I watched the race online in Canada. Surely, I thought, I wasn't that stressed out that I had forgotten what I did. Then I remembered that we were in the air, en route to Sydney, on the first Tuesday of November last year. Phew... not losing it quite yet! The day prior, we had learned that dad's care home was putting on a barbeque in honor of the Melbourne Cup. As it turned out, I was to pick up some Canadian delegates at the airport that Tuesday morning. So we were able to drive straight to dad's place and have a good old fashioned Aussie barbie! It was lovely to sit out on the patio in the breeze and visit... just like the old days! A special thanks to our visitors for making a special stop over to come see us.
In the middle of all of this, I received an email from Aged Care online saying they had read my blog and wanted to interview me for a story on their website. Here is the link to that story. I must say... once I got off the phone from the interview, I felt like I had done a bit of rambling. (Who? Me?) What can I say... I wanted to download at a faster rate than what my mouth would let me! Anyway, I hope our story might help others in a similar situation.
http://www.agedcareonline.com.au/news/82/15/Understanding-Aged-Care-How-is-your-Dad
Hard to believe that we have clicked over our one year anniversary of moving here. We have come along way, yet I feel so far from being settled. I had a thought the other day that it has been easier to get dad settled than myself. Having had put my life/studies/career on pause for the past few years... I am finding the pause button to be stuck! Some days are better than others. Today is not one of those days. Again, I digress.
Tuesday last week was Melbourne Cup day. I was trying to remember what I had done last year, as usually I watched the race online in Canada. Surely, I thought, I wasn't that stressed out that I had forgotten what I did. Then I remembered that we were in the air, en route to Sydney, on the first Tuesday of November last year. Phew... not losing it quite yet! The day prior, we had learned that dad's care home was putting on a barbeque in honor of the Melbourne Cup. As it turned out, I was to pick up some Canadian delegates at the airport that Tuesday morning. So we were able to drive straight to dad's place and have a good old fashioned Aussie barbie! It was lovely to sit out on the patio in the breeze and visit... just like the old days! A special thanks to our visitors for making a special stop over to come see us.
In the middle of all of this, I received an email from Aged Care online saying they had read my blog and wanted to interview me for a story on their website. Here is the link to that story. I must say... once I got off the phone from the interview, I felt like I had done a bit of rambling. (Who? Me?) What can I say... I wanted to download at a faster rate than what my mouth would let me! Anyway, I hope our story might help others in a similar situation.
http://www.agedcareonline.com.au/news/82/15/Understanding-Aged-Care-How-is-your-Dad
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Happy (Hot) Halloween
There is something scary in dad's neighborhood... a new bakery has opened up at the end of the street! Neenish tarts, custard pies, lamington's, cupcakes, marble cakes, meringues... it's very dangerous. It's hard not to pop in an grab a treat on the way to see dad! Of course I couldn't resist this cute little cupcake for dad for Halloween!
Seems very strange to have Halloween in the heat! Though I have to admit it makes more sense for the little kids to run down the street in their cute little costumes without a big winter coat covering it up! For Halloween in BC, it always seemed that the weather turned the week before, and one froze running down the street collecting trick or treats! I remember one year - it was the 80s - one kid spiked his hair with gel - and his hair froze into icicles on his head... brrrrr! Here in Sydney, the heat has rolled in this week. No doubt it will cool down again in a couple of days, but for the past few days it has been hovering around 30C. Trick or treating isn't very big in Australia, though from what I understand, it has gained momentum in the past few years. I did see quite a few kids down the street calling out trick or treat... and I may have handed out a few treats myself!
Hard to believe that it was midnight on Halloween last year when we flew out of Vancouver, bound for Sydney! It has stirred up a few emotions, to be sure. Definitely missing our friends in Canada, but life here has settled into being something special as well. Dad is content here and it feels like we have made the most of the situation.
Dad was doing really well yesterday. We sat out on the back balcony with a lovely breeze blowing and I was able to talk to him a bit. I asked if he needed anything, or if he wanted to do anything. He said he'd like to get out and explore a bit, if only he had a bit more oompf! He is still sitting in the water chair as it is more comfortable while he is hanging out at the care home! We will have to call ahead to get him transferred to his wheelchair if we want to take him out. Will have to organize something soon... we have been waiting for his pelvic bone to heal up. Seems it has healed nicely; he isn't in any pain anymore, which is a relief.
Hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween! May you be enjoying chocolates and treats no matter what your age!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Observations
I promised myself after the last post that I wouldn't get all sappy any more. However... I had a couple of thoughts that I just could not keep to myself!
When I went to visit dad tonight, it was the first time that I felt like he did not need me. (Or was it that I did not need him?) I can see he is more settled and content. It is not like he isn't going to need me in the future, should there be another fall or such... but I really hope we are on a flat bit of road for a while! Here is hoping those words don't come back to haunt me... but I think the both of us are due some reprieve.
I looked at dad sitting in his chair at the dinner table and was momentarily saddened that he was on his own; that mom wasn't there at his side to be a comfort to him. In life, people are always looking for their soul mate to grow old with. The reality is, someone has to continue on the journey on their own. Most everyone in dad's care home are there alone. My thought was this... you really do have to like who you are and enjoy your own company. Anything else is icing on the cake. My other thought is that life is precious. When you have as many days behind you as you have before you, you find yourself not wanting to waste precious time. I think of all the time I put in at jobs I didn't like, thinking I had time to squander. I can't change that now, but definitely want to make better choices in the future.
Best let this be all for now. To quote the wise words of someone I know, "Do you think that maybe you have too much time to think?"
When I went to visit dad tonight, it was the first time that I felt like he did not need me. (Or was it that I did not need him?) I can see he is more settled and content. It is not like he isn't going to need me in the future, should there be another fall or such... but I really hope we are on a flat bit of road for a while! Here is hoping those words don't come back to haunt me... but I think the both of us are due some reprieve.
I looked at dad sitting in his chair at the dinner table and was momentarily saddened that he was on his own; that mom wasn't there at his side to be a comfort to him. In life, people are always looking for their soul mate to grow old with. The reality is, someone has to continue on the journey on their own. Most everyone in dad's care home are there alone. My thought was this... you really do have to like who you are and enjoy your own company. Anything else is icing on the cake. My other thought is that life is precious. When you have as many days behind you as you have before you, you find yourself not wanting to waste precious time. I think of all the time I put in at jobs I didn't like, thinking I had time to squander. I can't change that now, but definitely want to make better choices in the future.
Best let this be all for now. To quote the wise words of someone I know, "Do you think that maybe you have too much time to think?"
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Canadian Thanksgiving
Sometimes I wonder - actually, most of the time! - I wonder about my need for oversharing! This post feels very personal... yet I have always tried to be honest, and hope that this is coming from an honest place. I was thinking today that despite this tough experience, there has been much personal growth... and would I change the experience if I could?
I had a moment of insight yesterday that I wanted to share. I was speaking with a friend about her little boy. She had said that he fell ill while in the care of a family member who loved him as their own and he was being well cared for. However, she felt compelled to be there with him to comfort and reassure him while he was feeling so poorly. I looked at her, paused and said, "That is exactly how I feel with dad." We spoke a about female instinct and how others looking on may not understand it. I am sure people look on me and wonder why I feel compelled to visit dad so often when he is in a care home and well looked after. Yet there is something within me that wants to be there to reassure him and tell him it will be ok. Over and over again. I realize I cannot be there all the time to help him, of course that's not healthy. It is about finding the balance in life so that I have my own interests, but that I can be there for him as well.
I had a nice visit with dad tonight... talking about girders, joists and beams! (Will have to brush up on the rest of my construction vocab to continue the conversation!) I am not sure why he has it in his head that he is only there temporarily and has overstayed his welcome... there's that need of reassurance from me! He said to me tonight that he was sad to have to be moving on, as he really enjoyed it there. I reassured him that he indeed did not have to move on, but that that was his home now. But wait... what was the end of that sentence? He was really enjoying living there? I cannot tell you how happy that made me feel. All the blood, sweat and tears involved to get him there was worth it. In low moments, I questioned myself on such an undertaking. It's such a relief to know that he is happy there.
I must confess that am having first little bout of homesickness at the thought of everyone in Canada getting together this holiday weekend for mounds of turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes. I have lots of special memories of Thanksgiving meals shared with so many fabulous friends. I wonder though, if it has anything to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is the last holiday we shared with mom. Four years on, already. I remember that meal so well, us girls sitting around the table, having a good old chin wag. Maybe that is why turkey dinner is my favorite... not so much for the food... as for what it represents... friends, family and laughter. So here's wishing all my fabulous Canadian friends a lovely Thanksgiving weekend. To special memories... and special times still to come! xo
I had a moment of insight yesterday that I wanted to share. I was speaking with a friend about her little boy. She had said that he fell ill while in the care of a family member who loved him as their own and he was being well cared for. However, she felt compelled to be there with him to comfort and reassure him while he was feeling so poorly. I looked at her, paused and said, "That is exactly how I feel with dad." We spoke a about female instinct and how others looking on may not understand it. I am sure people look on me and wonder why I feel compelled to visit dad so often when he is in a care home and well looked after. Yet there is something within me that wants to be there to reassure him and tell him it will be ok. Over and over again. I realize I cannot be there all the time to help him, of course that's not healthy. It is about finding the balance in life so that I have my own interests, but that I can be there for him as well.
I had a nice visit with dad tonight... talking about girders, joists and beams! (Will have to brush up on the rest of my construction vocab to continue the conversation!) I am not sure why he has it in his head that he is only there temporarily and has overstayed his welcome... there's that need of reassurance from me! He said to me tonight that he was sad to have to be moving on, as he really enjoyed it there. I reassured him that he indeed did not have to move on, but that that was his home now. But wait... what was the end of that sentence? He was really enjoying living there? I cannot tell you how happy that made me feel. All the blood, sweat and tears involved to get him there was worth it. In low moments, I questioned myself on such an undertaking. It's such a relief to know that he is happy there.
I must confess that am having first little bout of homesickness at the thought of everyone in Canada getting together this holiday weekend for mounds of turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes. I have lots of special memories of Thanksgiving meals shared with so many fabulous friends. I wonder though, if it has anything to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is the last holiday we shared with mom. Four years on, already. I remember that meal so well, us girls sitting around the table, having a good old chin wag. Maybe that is why turkey dinner is my favorite... not so much for the food... as for what it represents... friends, family and laughter. So here's wishing all my fabulous Canadian friends a lovely Thanksgiving weekend. To special memories... and special times still to come! xo
Monday, October 1, 2012
Happenings
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| Donate at shakeitup.org.au |
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| Trent with the kids from Team Fox Australia |
Another update on what is happening in our part of the world. I mentioned in the last post that I was going to get up bright and early to join up with some others on the last leg of Trent's Tanaka Walk. We were to meet at 7.30 in Kirribilli and walk across the Harbour Bridge and into Martin Place. What ensued was rather entertaining. The media was waiting in Martin Place for Trent, so he took off half an hour earlier than planned. Fortunately, I met up with some of the people from the Shake It Up Foundation so I wasn't left entirely in the dark. Because of some mixed communications, we ended up running across half of Sydney, looking for him. In the end, we did end up meeting up with the rest and congratulated Trent on a job well done! Amazing to walk from Brisbane to Sydney in 28 days to raise awareness and funds for Parkinson's and depression.
Mr. Dad is recovering ever so slowly. I keep getting asked this question, so I am going to repeat myself! I may have answered this question here before, but bear with me... Dad has dementia, yes. He does not remember what he had for lunch, or what day, week, month, year it is. However, he recognizes people. I walked into the activity room the other day, and saw the look of recognition on his face. I waved to him and he waved back. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that he knows who I am and even if he has a hard time talking, we can still communicate. There was a singer there to entertain the group. She was singing songs from old musicals and I had no idea what they were. I asked dad if he knew the songs and he shrugged his shoulders. For her last song, she sand Que Sera, Sera. I jokingly turned to dad and asked if he knew that song. He gave me a look and rolled his eyes into the back of his head, which caused me to burst into a fit of laughter and in turn made him smile. Ah dad, just when you wonder what is going on in that brain of his, he turns it on you to let you know that you are the dopey one!
In other news, I have taken the first step in expanding my education. You may or may not know I used to design swimming pools. (Side note: reading dad's building plans as a kid was the reason I got into drafting. I didn't have the attention span - or brains - to be an architect.)While I loved my work; over the years I noticed my attention span decreasing and got bored of sitting behind the computer for long periods of time. So drafting on a computer all day long probably is not my best option! I am taking an intro to color and design course to explore my options. All is not lost; I hope to build on my drafting and construction background. Am excited to see where the next steps take me. Plus it gives me something to talk about besides my dad all the time! (And it gives me something to talk to him when I see him! ;)
There's still time to donate to Trent's cause to benefit Parkinson's and depression at http://www.mycause.com.au/mycause/raise_money/fundraise.php?id=53994
Friday, September 21, 2012
My Dad, The Dude
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| Dapper Dad |
I love this photo of dad... I had not seen it until I was editing all our stuff in preparation for the move overseas last year. Oh to have lived in that era of fabulous cars and clothes!
Not sure there is much news to add since last time. When I visited on Tuesday, dad was still sitting in a water chair to reduce the stress on his pelvic fracture while it recovers. I asked him how he was doing. He went to say something, then cleared his throat like he often does and then said, 'Pretty well thanks.' At least that's what I think he said. With each fall, he seems to lose more communication. I can't hardly understand him any more.
My dear sweet dad, who was once so big and strong; now too weak and frail to do anything for himself and that was his comment. "Pretty well, thanks". I have been trying not to think about it, but writing this now brings it all back. I feel so helpless and useless in the face of this disease, as he would as well.
A week or so ago, I posted about following The Tanaka Trimmer as he walks down from Brisbane to Sydney to raise money for Parkinson's and dementia. His nan has Parkinson's and told him she was not sure she wanted to reach her next birthday. This wretched disease steals all dignity, cognition, ability. He felt at loose ends as to what to do for her, so he is doing this walk to raise awareness. I feel at a loss as to what to do for dad, so I write out my frustration and sadness at this nasty disease.
The Tanaka Trimmer will be doing the final leg of his walk over the Harbour Bridge and into Martin Place at the end of next week. I plan to join the group on dad's behalf. I feel helpless in light of the whole situation. Walking for awareness makes me feel like I can do something in some small way. The final walk starts at 7am on the other side of town. If you know me at all, you know I am usually counting sheep at this time of day. Nevertheless... I considered all that dad puts up with in a day, and the least I can do is get up early one day... wish me luck!
Donate to the cause: http://www.mycause.com.au/mycause/raise_money/fundraise.php?id=53994
Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/391951254206091/
Friday, September 14, 2012
RUOK? Day
Yesterday was a national day of action, R U OK? day. (I did not get around to posting yesterday... "Are you ok?" "No, I'm nursing anobber code, <sniiiff>.") I have not heard of RUOK Day before; "The Foundation aims to prevent isolation by empowering people to support each other through life’s ups and downs."
It made me think again of everyone that asked me that question when I was (am) going through this experience with dad. Checking to see if I was ok; making meals for me, dropping off little gifts, bringing flowers, sending support emails, taking me out for coffee, dinners out, providing comic relief! I do not think I would have survived the experience if it had not been for the fabulous support group of some amazing people.
I like what Hugh Jackman has to say in the clip below. (Haha... he could be speaking Greek and I would still be nodding my head!)
Also... here is a shot of a large group of people on Bondi Beach forming the letters RUOK?
In other queries... is dad ok!? Since you asked; I was away last weekend, and then came back to a a couple of funny little bugs. I have not wanted to pass that around the nursing home! I did a sneaky stop in Wednesday afternoon to say 'Hi'. He is still in recovery mode... certainly not as spry as he was three weeks ago before he fell.
He did ask me if I had brought anything.
"Chocolates?" I asked.
"No... something from you."
"Ah... you want me to make you something?"
Head nod.
Haha... he doesn't miss a beat, that one! Seems like he is recovering quite nicely.
It made me think again of everyone that asked me that question when I was (am) going through this experience with dad. Checking to see if I was ok; making meals for me, dropping off little gifts, bringing flowers, sending support emails, taking me out for coffee, dinners out, providing comic relief! I do not think I would have survived the experience if it had not been for the fabulous support group of some amazing people.
I like what Hugh Jackman has to say in the clip below. (Haha... he could be speaking Greek and I would still be nodding my head!)
Also... here is a shot of a large group of people on Bondi Beach forming the letters RUOK?
In other queries... is dad ok!? Since you asked; I was away last weekend, and then came back to a a couple of funny little bugs. I have not wanted to pass that around the nursing home! I did a sneaky stop in Wednesday afternoon to say 'Hi'. He is still in recovery mode... certainly not as spry as he was three weeks ago before he fell.
He did ask me if I had brought anything.
"Chocolates?" I asked.
"No... something from you."
"Ah... you want me to make you something?"
Head nod.
Haha... he doesn't miss a beat, that one! Seems like he is recovering quite nicely.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Trent's Tanaka Trim
Back to raising awareness for Parkinson's... still on Twitter the other day, I randomly searched "Parkinson's Australia" to see what I could find - as you do! That is how I came across the "Trent's Tanaka Trim". He just started his trek from Brisbane to Sydney armed with a brush cutter! His beloved nan is struggling with Parkinson's Disease. Rather than sit back and feel helpless (which is how you feel when Parkinson's is slowly but surely tightening it's grip on a loved one), he is putting his energy into action and walking to raise awareness and funds for Parkinson's Disease and depression. Reading through his letter, I was a little emotional. You can see why when you read his email to family and friends as to why he is walking ... link to the letter here. His nan described her symptoms to him; how she can't sleep, how she can't eat, how she aches, how she has no independance, how she feels that everyone is looking at her. Life has lost it's pleasure. It was a reminder to me of how dad would feel. He doesn't say as much to me, so I don't put myself in his shoes very often... but really... this disease is horrid!
I have been following the journey on Twitter and Facebook... and it was interesting to see the signposts as he walks down the coast. Byron Bay, Lismore, Ballina... those are all places of dad's childhood. I just thought it was neat that the Tanaka Walker is walking to raise money for Parkinson's and is walking through dad's childhood haunts!
Anyway.
If you wish to donate to his fund - Shake it Up Foundation (Parkinson's) and Beyond Blue (depression), you can do so on his Cause page here. He is looking to raise $50,000 and has a long way to go.
Google link to the journey: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AqVb3f2i63WRdEM4eUtKYXZsbFhYSUVKUFBmV2hIcFE#gid=0
Twitter feed: https://twitter.com/TheTanakaWalker
Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/thetanakawalk
I have been following the journey on Twitter and Facebook... and it was interesting to see the signposts as he walks down the coast. Byron Bay, Lismore, Ballina... those are all places of dad's childhood. I just thought it was neat that the Tanaka Walker is walking to raise money for Parkinson's and is walking through dad's childhood haunts!
Anyway.
If you wish to donate to his fund - Shake it Up Foundation (Parkinson's) and Beyond Blue (depression), you can do so on his Cause page here. He is looking to raise $50,000 and has a long way to go.
Google link to the journey: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AqVb3f2i63WRdEM4eUtKYXZsbFhYSUVKUFBmV2hIcFE#gid=0
Twitter feed: https://twitter.com/TheTanakaWalker
Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/thetanakawalk
Up the Incline
Back up the incline of the emotional roller coaster we go! Dad is on the mend... sitting up and alert, though still having problems with his motor skills. The chair he is sitting in doesn't help matters... he is kind of sunk back, which makes getting to the table impossible. Dinner was an awkward procedure, but I was not allowed to help! Nope... he was doing this one on his own. Fine by me. (Ah... those teenage mome
nts come rushing back... "Fine then. Be like that. See if I care!") He's nothing if not determined. There goes the roller coaster of emotion again. After worrying, fretting and analyzing for the past week and a half, I was almost giddy with relief when walking away from the home. You would think I would be used to these up and downs of dads recovery, having gone through it how many times?! But nope... each time is like the first time. Dare I say it... here's hoping there are smooth roads ahead for a while.
nts come rushing back... "Fine then. Be like that. See if I care!") He's nothing if not determined. There goes the roller coaster of emotion again. After worrying, fretting and analyzing for the past week and a half, I was almost giddy with relief when walking away from the home. You would think I would be used to these up and downs of dads recovery, having gone through it how many times?! But nope... each time is like the first time. Dare I say it... here's hoping there are smooth roads ahead for a while.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Recovery Mode
My parents came from a generation where you didn't discuss your feelings in public. Or in private, come to think of it. You kept your mouth closed and suffered in silence. Then came our generation with a thirst for knowledge and questioned everything. I often think of how different my childhood was from my parents. My parents were born in two different countries, but both from small rural communities. My mom could never understand the trend for all things vintage and retro. She grew up with a well in the yard and often said there was nothing romantic about pumping your own water! While she was painting the toenails of chickens in her Canadian backyard, dad was sending ferrets down rabbit holes in his Australian backyard. Dad didn't finish high school, but rather, went off to trade school. Mom graduated with one other person. I graduated with 350 other people. I don't even know if either mom or dad had a telephone in their house in the 40s!? We had the Internet and access to information around the world. Needless to say, a lot of change happened between the generations.
Often heard at the dinner table was dad asking me, "Do you have to talk all the time? Can't we have a bit of peace and quiet!?" Well, yes, I do have to talk all the time. I have things to say! And not only myself, but my brothers as well. I do recall the dinner table becoming quite boisterous as we all tried to talk over one another, mom chiming in when he could and dad eating in silence!
The above train of thoughts came to me as I think of dad sitting in his care home, living daily with the pain and angst of Parkinson's Disease. Still, he suffers in silence. His nurses told me the other day they reckon he's still in a lot of pain with the broken bone... they ask him how he's feeling and he says he's ok, but when they go to move him, they can tell by the look on his face he is in pain. So here I am... making my voice heard for my dad who cannot make himself be heard.
I have not written an update until I had a better idea as to what was going on. Following the great visit on Sunday, I stopped in on Monday to pick dad up for the Father's Day surprise. To my surprise, he was konked out in a water chair. I was informed by the staff that they suspected dad had had a mini stroke and that they were waiting for the doctor to visit that afternoon. Say WHAAAAT!? More worry!?
Needless to say, I have been up and down the emotional roller coaster since then. Here is what I can deduce, based on previous falls/recoveries and in speaking with dad's nurses. (I really need to tally how many bones dad has broken on my watch... are we up to 10!?) Dad fell, was in pain, was X-rayed by mobile X-ray unit, found a broken bone in the pelvic region, sent to ER for more X-rays, sent home again as they couldn't do anything for him there. They have given medication for the pain and it has knocked him out. He fell asleep in his chair, off to the side, as he does... this presented stroke-like symptoms... body pulling to the right. His speech is slurred because of the Parkinson's/medication/drowsiness. He can still swallow, speak (when alert and sitting up), which makes me think that all these things combined have presented with TIA symptoms. I am not a doctor, so this is only my educated guess!
I visited him this afternoon and he is still very much out of it. Though he knows who I am and was attempting a joke or two and another attempt at conversation. However, when he is lying back, it is almost impossible to understand what he is saying. It was a gorgeous spring day here in Sydney, so I opened up his patio door and turned his chair to overlook the view of the garden and feel the spring breeze.
Ah yes, the joys of Parkinson's/dementia/osteoporosis. We are coming up on a year since the first big fall that landed him in hospital right before we were to move. His recovery now is very similar to then: bright and sparky for the first bit, then drops right off the map while his body takes up all his energy to heal. As usual, I will continue to post updates as I can. I hope to possibly take some work there tomorrow and sit with him in the garden for a longer period of time than today. Will update more after that time.
From Wikipedia on osteoporosis...
Falls risk
The increased risk of falling associated with aging leads to fractures of the wrist, spine, and hip. The risk of falling, in turn, is increased by impaired eyesight due to any cause (e.g. glaucoma, macular degeneration), balance disorder, movement disorders (e.g. Parkinson's disease), dementia, and sarcopenia (age-related loss of skeletal muscle). Collapse (transient loss of postural tone with or without loss of consciousness) leads to a significant risk of falls; causes of syncope are manifold, but may include cardiac arrhythmias (irregular heart beat), vasovagal syncope, orthostatic hypotension (abnormal drop in blood pressure on standing up), and seizures. Removal of obstacles and loose carpets in the living environment may substantially reduce falls. Those with previous falls, as well as those with gait or balance disorders, are most at risk.
Often heard at the dinner table was dad asking me, "Do you have to talk all the time? Can't we have a bit of peace and quiet!?" Well, yes, I do have to talk all the time. I have things to say! And not only myself, but my brothers as well. I do recall the dinner table becoming quite boisterous as we all tried to talk over one another, mom chiming in when he could and dad eating in silence!
The above train of thoughts came to me as I think of dad sitting in his care home, living daily with the pain and angst of Parkinson's Disease. Still, he suffers in silence. His nurses told me the other day they reckon he's still in a lot of pain with the broken bone... they ask him how he's feeling and he says he's ok, but when they go to move him, they can tell by the look on his face he is in pain. So here I am... making my voice heard for my dad who cannot make himself be heard.
I have not written an update until I had a better idea as to what was going on. Following the great visit on Sunday, I stopped in on Monday to pick dad up for the Father's Day surprise. To my surprise, he was konked out in a water chair. I was informed by the staff that they suspected dad had had a mini stroke and that they were waiting for the doctor to visit that afternoon. Say WHAAAAT!? More worry!?
Needless to say, I have been up and down the emotional roller coaster since then. Here is what I can deduce, based on previous falls/recoveries and in speaking with dad's nurses. (I really need to tally how many bones dad has broken on my watch... are we up to 10!?) Dad fell, was in pain, was X-rayed by mobile X-ray unit, found a broken bone in the pelvic region, sent to ER for more X-rays, sent home again as they couldn't do anything for him there. They have given medication for the pain and it has knocked him out. He fell asleep in his chair, off to the side, as he does... this presented stroke-like symptoms... body pulling to the right. His speech is slurred because of the Parkinson's/medication/drowsiness. He can still swallow, speak (when alert and sitting up), which makes me think that all these things combined have presented with TIA symptoms. I am not a doctor, so this is only my educated guess!
I visited him this afternoon and he is still very much out of it. Though he knows who I am and was attempting a joke or two and another attempt at conversation. However, when he is lying back, it is almost impossible to understand what he is saying. It was a gorgeous spring day here in Sydney, so I opened up his patio door and turned his chair to overlook the view of the garden and feel the spring breeze.
Ah yes, the joys of Parkinson's/dementia/osteoporosis. We are coming up on a year since the first big fall that landed him in hospital right before we were to move. His recovery now is very similar to then: bright and sparky for the first bit, then drops right off the map while his body takes up all his energy to heal. As usual, I will continue to post updates as I can. I hope to possibly take some work there tomorrow and sit with him in the garden for a longer period of time than today. Will update more after that time.
From Wikipedia on osteoporosis...
Falls risk
The increased risk of falling associated with aging leads to fractures of the wrist, spine, and hip. The risk of falling, in turn, is increased by impaired eyesight due to any cause (e.g. glaucoma, macular degeneration), balance disorder, movement disorders (e.g. Parkinson's disease), dementia, and sarcopenia (age-related loss of skeletal muscle). Collapse (transient loss of postural tone with or without loss of consciousness) leads to a significant risk of falls; causes of syncope are manifold, but may include cardiac arrhythmias (irregular heart beat), vasovagal syncope, orthostatic hypotension (abnormal drop in blood pressure on standing up), and seizures. Removal of obstacles and loose carpets in the living environment may substantially reduce falls. Those with previous falls, as well as those with gait or balance disorders, are most at risk.
Parkinson's Humor
Continuing on with Parkinson's Awareness; today I am introducing a funny lady who goes by the name of Yuma Bev. I 'met' Yuma Bev through Twitter, where she was tweeting about her own journey with Parkinson's Disease with a sense of humor. I envied her her laughter, as at the time, I was having a difficult time seeing any humor in our own situation.
Yuma Bev was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson's Disease at 47, finally being diagnosed with the disease after struggling with it since her late 30s.
She has recently guest blogged for the Michael J Fox Foundation, writing a piece on Deep Brain Stimulation and another piece on Music Therapy.
Yuma Bev recently published her book, Parkinson's Humor on living and laughing with Parkinson's Disease. It is available on ebook through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smash Words. For a print copy, you can request through Yuma Bev directly at yumabev@gmail.com. All profits will be donated to Parkinson's. (Books are also available for fundraising efforts.)
You can follow Yuma Bev on Twitter: @YumaBev and/or her website: Parkinson's Humor.
She has recently guest blogged for the Michael J Fox Foundation, writing a piece on Deep Brain Stimulation and another piece on Music Therapy.
Yuma Bev recently published her book, Parkinson's Humor on living and laughing with Parkinson's Disease. It is available on ebook through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smash Words. For a print copy, you can request through Yuma Bev directly at yumabev@gmail.com. All profits will be donated to Parkinson's. (Books are also available for fundraising efforts.)
You can follow Yuma Bev on Twitter: @YumaBev and/or her website: Parkinson's Humor.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Shake It Up
It's not just the shakes - "We're in the business to go out of business." Short video clip from the Shake It Up Parkinson's Foundation to give a small idea of what it is like to have Parkinson's Disease.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Update # 54,459
Some days it feels like I am a bit "dad-obsessed"... but bear with me! Following the afternoon/evening at ER on Friday, I spend Saturday assisting on a wedding. By Saturday night, you pretty much had to scrape me off the floor, I was that useless! Fast forward to Sunday afternoon and I stopped in to see dad for Father's Day. If he wasn't... you guessed it... trying to escape from his bed again! I did not know what I would find, given his confused and agitated state when I left him on Friday. When the nurses came in to help him out of bed, they told me he'd been chatty that day. And if he wasn't bright eyed and bushy-tailed! The best I have seen him in quite a while. The change of scenery must have agreed with him! I had better conversation and comprehension with him than I have had in a while. I had told him I couldn't stay long, but that I would be back tomorrow for the Father's Day surprise. A little while later he said, "Well, I guess it's time you got going then." Wow... he remembered and had a comprehension of time. I was a bit loathe to leave with him in such good spirits. I just hope he is having a good day tomorrow as well, so he can enjoy his surprise...
The start of Parkinson's Awareness Week, 2-9 September, coincides nicely with Father's Day. Now, I am having second doubts that it is Parkinson's Awareness week, but I read it on the Government of Australia website, so I am going with that. I was so angry with the disease last week, and dad voiced his disappointment in the disease today. Anger solves nothing, so I am going to redirect that energy and use this platform this week to bring awareness to the disease.
The following is an exerpt from Michael J Fox Foundation on what Parkinson's Disease is. The original link can be found here.
Parkinson's disease is a chronic, degenerative neurological disorder that affects one in 100 people over age 60. While the average age at onset is 60, people have been diagnosed as young as 18.
Parkinson's disease was first characterized extensively by an English doctor, James Parkinson, in 1817. Today, we understand Parkinson's disease to be a disorder of the central nervous system that results from the loss of cells in various parts of the brain, including a region called the substantia nigra. The substantia nigra cells produce dopamine, a chemical messenger responsible for transmitting signals within the brain that allow for coordination of movement. Loss of dopamine causes neurons to fire without normal control, leaving patients less able to direct or control their movement. Parkinson's disease is one of several diseases categorized by clinicians as movement disorders.
The start of Parkinson's Awareness Week, 2-9 September, coincides nicely with Father's Day. Now, I am having second doubts that it is Parkinson's Awareness week, but I read it on the Government of Australia website, so I am going with that. I was so angry with the disease last week, and dad voiced his disappointment in the disease today. Anger solves nothing, so I am going to redirect that energy and use this platform this week to bring awareness to the disease.
The following is an exerpt from Michael J Fox Foundation on what Parkinson's Disease is. The original link can be found here.
Parkinson's disease is a chronic, degenerative neurological disorder that affects one in 100 people over age 60. While the average age at onset is 60, people have been diagnosed as young as 18.
Parkinson's disease was first characterized extensively by an English doctor, James Parkinson, in 1817. Today, we understand Parkinson's disease to be a disorder of the central nervous system that results from the loss of cells in various parts of the brain, including a region called the substantia nigra. The substantia nigra cells produce dopamine, a chemical messenger responsible for transmitting signals within the brain that allow for coordination of movement. Loss of dopamine causes neurons to fire without normal control, leaving patients less able to direct or control their movement. Parkinson's disease is one of several diseases categorized by clinicians as movement disorders.
Friday, August 31, 2012
This ER Looks Familiar
Poor dad. Though I am being very gracious compared to my attitude earlier today. I had a phone call this morning saying that the results of dad's X-ray had come back, that he had a fracture and he was being sent to St Vincent's hospital. Say what!? Wasn't I told the other day that the x-ray had come back clear?! Not sure what happened there. (But will be following up on it.)
So... back to St Vincent's ER for the two of us. Dad had been admitted and X-rayed by the time I arrived. As in ER’s, we waited and waited... dad getting more and more restless as they couldn’t give him his medication, food or water until they had the results of the X-rays back as they did not know if they would have to do surgery or not. I grew increasingly restless as well, not at all aided by the construction going on in the room next door. I’m telling you, it follows me around!
Finally... a couple of hours later, we had our results. Dad had a pubic rami fracture. From what I understand, it’s the edge of the pubic bone at the front that had fractured in the fall last Saturday. X-ray shows it as already starting to heal. That’s all that can be done with this fracture... time, physio and some pain relief to deal with the pain. Dad had been recuperating well at the care home already, so the decision was made to send him back there rather than admit him to hospital; which could be unsettling for him.
I was going to get a ride back to the care home in the ambulance so I could ride with dad and reassure him... and ok, to sound the siren! Alas, someone else was riding in there as well... so I was relegated to the ole bus in the rain!
Sometimes I feel like I’m making this stuff up... but you just cannot dream this up! At least we can sleep in our own beds at the end of a long day. Speaking of beds, that is exactly where I am headed... the dishes can wait!
So... back to St Vincent's ER for the two of us. Dad had been admitted and X-rayed by the time I arrived. As in ER’s, we waited and waited... dad getting more and more restless as they couldn’t give him his medication, food or water until they had the results of the X-rays back as they did not know if they would have to do surgery or not. I grew increasingly restless as well, not at all aided by the construction going on in the room next door. I’m telling you, it follows me around!
Finally... a couple of hours later, we had our results. Dad had a pubic rami fracture. From what I understand, it’s the edge of the pubic bone at the front that had fractured in the fall last Saturday. X-ray shows it as already starting to heal. That’s all that can be done with this fracture... time, physio and some pain relief to deal with the pain. Dad had been recuperating well at the care home already, so the decision was made to send him back there rather than admit him to hospital; which could be unsettling for him.
I was going to get a ride back to the care home in the ambulance so I could ride with dad and reassure him... and ok, to sound the siren! Alas, someone else was riding in there as well... so I was relegated to the ole bus in the rain!
Sometimes I feel like I’m making this stuff up... but you just cannot dream this up! At least we can sleep in our own beds at the end of a long day. Speaking of beds, that is exactly where I am headed... the dishes can wait!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
If I Had a Dollar...
**UPDATE BELOW** (It's all OK...)
... for every time I've received a phone call, "Your dad has had a fall.'"... well, I would have a very nice pair of shoes!
Sunday morning: Voicemail: "Your had a fall in the dining room on Sat night! He'd bumped his noggin (medical term!) but was otherwise OK."
I was going to stop in and see him on Sunday anyway, and made the decision to sit with him a while in case he needed reassurance.
If I didn't walk into his room and find him escaping out of his bed after his afternoon nap! (Seems we are working on the second pair of shoes!)
"Dad! Stop! Wait till I call a nurse. You just had a fall yesterday."
"Yeah, but that was yesterday."
Right.
Someone came to help him into his chair. Straightened his clothes up, put his shoes on and I wheeled him into the activity room to sit in the sun and "chat" for a while.
Tuesday afternoon: The care home is just down the street from the grocery store, so I often pop in to say hi to dad on my way there. I stopped by Tuesday afternoon, to find dad with three women standing over him! Moment of panic before I realized they were just getting him out of bed, and someone was applying his patch. He didn't look so great, but I was relieved to find out he hadn't bailed over again...
... I went out to the nurses station to talk to them about a surprise Father's Day treat. It was there that I learned that dad had been complaining of pain in his hip, and the doctor had ordered an X-ray by the mobile unit for that day. We wheeled a groggy dad down to the dining area, and I sat in the nook with him and tried to get a read on how he was feeling. I commented that he put his shoes on on Sunday; as he was not wincing in pain to put them on like he did the time he broke his hip. Hopefully it's just bruising and nothing is broken!
I'm afraid I slipped back into old feelings of despair and I think it may have rubbed off on him. It was just about dinner and I took him in to his table. Now I don't know how to explain this and maintain some of his dignity... but let's see if I can try. (Dad's actions in a confused state has happened before with me, but not for a while. I had forgotten how it can be.) With dementia, patients need to be kept hydrated. Also, with the fall, there was some additional confusion. This means that dad is not himself, and can be very stubborn. He let loose with his cutlery like he was back on the job site... the knife came down on the fork with an almighty THWACK! and scared the liver out of everyone in the room! When I asked for the cutlery so he wouldn't do it again, he refused. And so it went. He got upset, I got upset. I wanted to help with his meal since he wasn't himself; he wouldn't let me. In the end I decided to walk away as we were not doing each other any favors. Something I couldn't do in the old days.
(On a positive note... dad's dinner companion thought I was still in high school! I told him that had been a few years ago now!)
Tuesday evening: Called the home to see how dad's evening went. He improved after I left, which isn't saying much for me! He needed food and something to drink... and he wasn't going to eat it while I was there! So now it's back to playing the waiting game on the X-ray results to see if he will have to pay another visit to the hospital or not.
Wednesday morning: A call in to the care home has revealed that the X-ray results aren't back yet. He had been in the dining room for breakfast and had eaten well... always a good sign! So we wait some more. I am going to post this now... but will update as soon as I know the results.
Wednesday late afternoon: Stopped in to see dad on my way home and found out his X-ray was all clear. He must just have some bruising. So crisis averted! Here's hoping he heals soon, and no more dramas for a while. I have a Father's Day surprise he doesn't want to miss! (Aussie Father's Day here this coming Sunday.) And no, it's not Old Spice!
... for every time I've received a phone call, "Your dad has had a fall.'"... well, I would have a very nice pair of shoes!
Sunday morning: Voicemail: "Your had a fall in the dining room on Sat night! He'd bumped his noggin (medical term!) but was otherwise OK."
I was going to stop in and see him on Sunday anyway, and made the decision to sit with him a while in case he needed reassurance.
If I didn't walk into his room and find him escaping out of his bed after his afternoon nap! (Seems we are working on the second pair of shoes!)
"Dad! Stop! Wait till I call a nurse. You just had a fall yesterday."
"Yeah, but that was yesterday."
Right.
Someone came to help him into his chair. Straightened his clothes up, put his shoes on and I wheeled him into the activity room to sit in the sun and "chat" for a while.
Tuesday afternoon: The care home is just down the street from the grocery store, so I often pop in to say hi to dad on my way there. I stopped by Tuesday afternoon, to find dad with three women standing over him! Moment of panic before I realized they were just getting him out of bed, and someone was applying his patch. He didn't look so great, but I was relieved to find out he hadn't bailed over again...
... I went out to the nurses station to talk to them about a surprise Father's Day treat. It was there that I learned that dad had been complaining of pain in his hip, and the doctor had ordered an X-ray by the mobile unit for that day. We wheeled a groggy dad down to the dining area, and I sat in the nook with him and tried to get a read on how he was feeling. I commented that he put his shoes on on Sunday; as he was not wincing in pain to put them on like he did the time he broke his hip. Hopefully it's just bruising and nothing is broken!
I'm afraid I slipped back into old feelings of despair and I think it may have rubbed off on him. It was just about dinner and I took him in to his table. Now I don't know how to explain this and maintain some of his dignity... but let's see if I can try. (Dad's actions in a confused state has happened before with me, but not for a while. I had forgotten how it can be.) With dementia, patients need to be kept hydrated. Also, with the fall, there was some additional confusion. This means that dad is not himself, and can be very stubborn. He let loose with his cutlery like he was back on the job site... the knife came down on the fork with an almighty THWACK! and scared the liver out of everyone in the room! When I asked for the cutlery so he wouldn't do it again, he refused. And so it went. He got upset, I got upset. I wanted to help with his meal since he wasn't himself; he wouldn't let me. In the end I decided to walk away as we were not doing each other any favors. Something I couldn't do in the old days.
(On a positive note... dad's dinner companion thought I was still in high school! I told him that had been a few years ago now!)
Tuesday evening: Called the home to see how dad's evening went. He improved after I left, which isn't saying much for me! He needed food and something to drink... and he wasn't going to eat it while I was there! So now it's back to playing the waiting game on the X-ray results to see if he will have to pay another visit to the hospital or not.
Wednesday morning: A call in to the care home has revealed that the X-ray results aren't back yet. He had been in the dining room for breakfast and had eaten well... always a good sign! So we wait some more. I am going to post this now... but will update as soon as I know the results.
Wednesday late afternoon: Stopped in to see dad on my way home and found out his X-ray was all clear. He must just have some bruising. So crisis averted! Here's hoping he heals soon, and no more dramas for a while. I have a Father's Day surprise he doesn't want to miss! (Aussie Father's Day here this coming Sunday.) And no, it's not Old Spice!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Pleased With Himself
When I arrived at the home to see dad today, he was sound asleep! I was filled in by the care aides that he had been up all morning; walking and participating in activities. He had been sitting next to one of the aides during the crossword activity, and it was relayed back to me, "Your dad, he is an intelligent man." Oh yes, that's my dad! I waited for dad to wake up, and it wasn't until I started to write him a note, and turned around to check on him that he woke up. He was looking at me with one eye open. "Hi." Hi. We got him up then, and he was keen to walk! His walker was wheeled around in front of him, and if we didn't walk down to the end of the hall and back to the activities room! With Parkinson's, he has problems with scissor steps... crossing his feet over one another. However... I cannot believe the determination, considering it is coming up to a year ago that he had that final fall that took him off his feet for good. I looked over at him while he was walking, and he had a little grin on his face. Aw!
I had visited in the morning last week, as there was a food meeting that I wanted to sit in on. Dad was sitting out in the garden with some of the other residents, some papers were on hand but I'm not sure dad was reading them! Anyway, they commented to me that he likes to sit in the sun. Oh yes, that's one of the reasons why we moved here! I was reminded of funny stories of mom and dad... they liked to go to White Rock beach and sit in the car in the sunshine... usually it was too breezy and windy on the beach to really enjoy it! Last summer when I took dad down there for fish and chips on Canada Day; we got back to the car and it was nice and toasty in the black Honda. Dad said to me, "Oooo... can we just sit here for a few minutes?" Um. Sure. Uh oh... you know you're old when!
Seeing dad sitting in the sun, enjoying the heat on his back reminds me that we do need to stop and enjoy the simple things in life. There is much to take pleasure in, and maybe it's only when we slow down and stop that we can appreciate the small things.
All is well in Rose Bay for the time being... thanks for reading! Donna
I had visited in the morning last week, as there was a food meeting that I wanted to sit in on. Dad was sitting out in the garden with some of the other residents, some papers were on hand but I'm not sure dad was reading them! Anyway, they commented to me that he likes to sit in the sun. Oh yes, that's one of the reasons why we moved here! I was reminded of funny stories of mom and dad... they liked to go to White Rock beach and sit in the car in the sunshine... usually it was too breezy and windy on the beach to really enjoy it! Last summer when I took dad down there for fish and chips on Canada Day; we got back to the car and it was nice and toasty in the black Honda. Dad said to me, "Oooo... can we just sit here for a few minutes?" Um. Sure. Uh oh... you know you're old when!
Seeing dad sitting in the sun, enjoying the heat on his back reminds me that we do need to stop and enjoy the simple things in life. There is much to take pleasure in, and maybe it's only when we slow down and stop that we can appreciate the small things.
All is well in Rose Bay for the time being... thanks for reading! Donna
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Busy Week
The busy week that was. There was no less than three afternoon appointments with dad last week, plus we bid adieu to my brother who is off on his second motorbike tour... this time he is touring around North America. Busy to say the least.
Friday was one of those "bottom fell out of the wet paper bag" days. The weather was not much help... I had to walk up and back to dad's place in gale force winds and rain. We had a routine appointment with the neurologist... but it seemed to take forever to get up to the clinic and back. Everything else that could go wrong did go wrong. In the end, we were fine... but I just had flashbacks to all those days on end of taking care of dad. The good news was, he is responding well to the Excelon patch... you will find the original story from April here. The patch is used in Alzheimer/dementia cases to improve the memory. Dad scored three points higher on the memory test this time than back in April. This is quite significant as I believe the test is out of 30 and the scores have been in sharp decline since I started taking him to the elder health doctor in Canada all those years ago. (At least that is what it feels like.) That was a bright spot in an otherwise dull day.
I went to my first bi-monthly relative meeting at the home last week. It has been my first chance to attend, as there seemed to be too much going on before. The purpose of the meeting is to update family on new procedures, events, staff changes, and and other issues that might have come up. I was reminded that I am not the only person with a family member suffering from Parkinson's and/or dementia... but I am certainly the youngest! Was also reminded that while dad's health has declined, at least he is still able to feed himself, communicate some things, and participate in activities. Some people have loved ones in care who need to be fed; who just lie in their bed all day. I have been asked, what else do you have to do for your dad now that he is in a care home. Well, I need to communicate for him since he cannot communicate for himself. I have watched him looking to me to answer the questions he is asked. I need to attend relatives meetings in order to stay abreast of things that are going on. I need to have regular visits with dad so I can gauge where he is at. I need to meet with care workers at intervals in order to assess dad's care needs and any changes that may arise. I have to take him to specialist appointments. (And I still haven't got him new glasses... his current ones are horribly scratched and I feel guilty every time I look at them!) Words of a friend whose mother was in a nursing home keep coming back to me... she told me that the worry and responsibility does not end once they are in a home... she never stopped being concerned about her mother. Yes, we are still adapting to this new direction in life. Still haven't quite figured it all out.
On top of all this, the pressure on me - from myself included - to get myself figured out. To be honest... my life feels like a bit of a train wreck at the moment. Surveying the damage done, I am wondering where to start picking up the pieces. In the time I have been taking care of dad, technology has moved on and I have not been able to keep up. My skills and qualifications suddenly seem quite outdated. I am learning though, that only we ourselves can do what is best for our situation. No matter where we are at in life, I am sure we have all found that advice and comments can be exhausting. It is a matter of understanding how to do what is best for ourselves, and tuning out the noise. There is much talk about a work/life balance. I will have to balance work and life with dad... hopefully I will figure it out one day. Soon.
Friday was one of those "bottom fell out of the wet paper bag" days. The weather was not much help... I had to walk up and back to dad's place in gale force winds and rain. We had a routine appointment with the neurologist... but it seemed to take forever to get up to the clinic and back. Everything else that could go wrong did go wrong. In the end, we were fine... but I just had flashbacks to all those days on end of taking care of dad. The good news was, he is responding well to the Excelon patch... you will find the original story from April here. The patch is used in Alzheimer/dementia cases to improve the memory. Dad scored three points higher on the memory test this time than back in April. This is quite significant as I believe the test is out of 30 and the scores have been in sharp decline since I started taking him to the elder health doctor in Canada all those years ago. (At least that is what it feels like.) That was a bright spot in an otherwise dull day.
I went to my first bi-monthly relative meeting at the home last week. It has been my first chance to attend, as there seemed to be too much going on before. The purpose of the meeting is to update family on new procedures, events, staff changes, and and other issues that might have come up. I was reminded that I am not the only person with a family member suffering from Parkinson's and/or dementia... but I am certainly the youngest! Was also reminded that while dad's health has declined, at least he is still able to feed himself, communicate some things, and participate in activities. Some people have loved ones in care who need to be fed; who just lie in their bed all day. I have been asked, what else do you have to do for your dad now that he is in a care home. Well, I need to communicate for him since he cannot communicate for himself. I have watched him looking to me to answer the questions he is asked. I need to attend relatives meetings in order to stay abreast of things that are going on. I need to have regular visits with dad so I can gauge where he is at. I need to meet with care workers at intervals in order to assess dad's care needs and any changes that may arise. I have to take him to specialist appointments. (And I still haven't got him new glasses... his current ones are horribly scratched and I feel guilty every time I look at them!) Words of a friend whose mother was in a nursing home keep coming back to me... she told me that the worry and responsibility does not end once they are in a home... she never stopped being concerned about her mother. Yes, we are still adapting to this new direction in life. Still haven't quite figured it all out.
On top of all this, the pressure on me - from myself included - to get myself figured out. To be honest... my life feels like a bit of a train wreck at the moment. Surveying the damage done, I am wondering where to start picking up the pieces. In the time I have been taking care of dad, technology has moved on and I have not been able to keep up. My skills and qualifications suddenly seem quite outdated. I am learning though, that only we ourselves can do what is best for our situation. No matter where we are at in life, I am sure we have all found that advice and comments can be exhausting. It is a matter of understanding how to do what is best for ourselves, and tuning out the noise. There is much talk about a work/life balance. I will have to balance work and life with dad... hopefully I will figure it out one day. Soon.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Taking Care of Dad's Stuff
Sometimes I like to go to the storage locker to visit my things and remember a time when I wasn't homeless! It has been asked, "What kind of JUNK do you have in the storage locker, anyway?" Well, since you asked, photo albums, recipe books, contents of a kitchen... important things! One other thing that has manhandled its way into the locker is a 1960s Taiwanese trunk. Anyone who visited our home over the years would have seen the wooden chest with intricate etchings. If you wondered what was inside, wonder no longer... twenty years worth of slides!
All through the move, the contents of this trunk have been weighing on my mind. I knew I would have to go through the contents of the trunk at some point. I had asked dad to go through them a couple of years ago, but even then he wasn't up to the task. I have now crossed off the bigger items on the 'To Do' list and have a bit more time, so it's time to tackle this project.
I had to dig the chest out of the bottom of boxes piled up in the crowded storage unit. Upon opening the trunk, the scent of the seventies rushed out to greet me. I groaned and wondered what I'd got myself into. After all, I only have about 50,000 photos of my own to sort through! A wise woman passed on some advice after editing pictures stored in her loved one's storage locker. Keep the people ones and toss the rest. This guidance is making the editing easier, and I have already gone through six cases of slides. It feels strange to be throwing out dad's precious slides, but I am trying not to think about that. Instead, I am going to have the best slides scanned and put onto a memory stick so he can watch them on a digital picture frame. I should not beat myself up too much... after all; the pictures haven't seen the light of day in about 30 years!
In other news, we had a lovely visit from FWK (friends with kids!) over the weekend. Although it is winter here in Sydney, and the temperature was around the 15C mark, we were able to sit outside for a while. In the garden at the care home, there is a new, covered dining area. A spur of the moment decision was made to get some takeaway Portuguese chicken and chips from the shops down the road, and eat at the outdoor table. It turned out to be the perfect plan; dad thoroughly enjoyed the company and his second lunch of the day! He doesn't say much, but loves watching the kids zip around... I can tell by the twinkle in his eye. I knew he enjoyed the visit; when it came time to say goodbye, he didn't want us to leave! Thanks again for the enjoyable afternoon!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Another Wipeout
If you don't laugh, you'll cry. That has been our mantra throughout this entire experience. On Wednesday, I was back to that weepy feeling again.
Parkinson's is just an horrible, hideous disease. I really dislike it. My heart is breaking a little once again. I went in to see dad on Wednesday afternoon. As soon as I arrived, there was the, 'Oh, your dad...' again. Turns out he had climbed out of bed after his afternoon nap once again. Climbed out, walked out into the hallway and fell. Landed on his side; on his ribs. He seems ok... ribs sore but not broken and his left hand was scratched up. He was a bit shaken up, and rather confused. Nothing he said made any sense. He keeps forgetting that his body won't let him walk. He thinks he is being held there against his will. I was trying to reassure him that he wasn't being kept against his will. We all would love for him to be doing his own thing. However, his body will no longer let him do the things he wants to do. Therefore to keep him safe, safety precautions have been taken. I reminded him once again; it is illegal in Australia to hold someone against their will. I was rewarded with 'a look'.
Throughout all this, I was unable to comfort him. It was dinner time and thinking that food would help, I encouraged him to eat. He didn't want to eat, and my presence seemed to agitate him. In fact, he only drank his juice when I got up and walked over to talk to a nurse. He wouldn't eat his dinner while I was sitting there, so I thought maybe I should leave him in the care of the nurses for the time being.
I was somewhat upset myself... so figured I would remove myself from the situation before I made it worse. The nurses are trained to assist in that situation. Of course, as soon as I left, the guilt set in. Why didn't I stay and just reassure him and show him some love? So ends another day on the Parkinson's roller coaster.
Parkinson's is just an horrible, hideous disease. I really dislike it. My heart is breaking a little once again. I went in to see dad on Wednesday afternoon. As soon as I arrived, there was the, 'Oh, your dad...' again. Turns out he had climbed out of bed after his afternoon nap once again. Climbed out, walked out into the hallway and fell. Landed on his side; on his ribs. He seems ok... ribs sore but not broken and his left hand was scratched up. He was a bit shaken up, and rather confused. Nothing he said made any sense. He keeps forgetting that his body won't let him walk. He thinks he is being held there against his will. I was trying to reassure him that he wasn't being kept against his will. We all would love for him to be doing his own thing. However, his body will no longer let him do the things he wants to do. Therefore to keep him safe, safety precautions have been taken. I reminded him once again; it is illegal in Australia to hold someone against their will. I was rewarded with 'a look'.
Throughout all this, I was unable to comfort him. It was dinner time and thinking that food would help, I encouraged him to eat. He didn't want to eat, and my presence seemed to agitate him. In fact, he only drank his juice when I got up and walked over to talk to a nurse. He wouldn't eat his dinner while I was sitting there, so I thought maybe I should leave him in the care of the nurses for the time being.
I was somewhat upset myself... so figured I would remove myself from the situation before I made it worse. The nurses are trained to assist in that situation. Of course, as soon as I left, the guilt set in. Why didn't I stay and just reassure him and show him some love? So ends another day on the Parkinson's roller coaster.
Down to the Wire
We had six months from the official date of admission (17 Jan) to sort out the financials for the care home. Which brought us up to 17 July. With the sale of home, then the government holdback because of the nonresident status, then the transfer of funds from Canada to Australia, then sorting out the banking and cheques here... I was finally able to make the final payment. The couriered cheque arrived at the head office in Victoria on 17 July exactly. I like it when things are tied up neatly like that!
Next step is to transfer dad's Canadian pension to his Australian bank account. I've been assured it can be done. I have the paperwork. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly! Canada recognizes that it's citizens may want to retire elsewhere, depending on weather/family, that kind of thing. So you can move to another country and collect your pension.
Another thing of note - and am I ever glad this was done before I took over affairs - Canada and Australia have a reciprocal retirement agreement. Something you don't think about in your youth, but old age may catch up with us all some day, if we are that lucky. And I know there are a few Canadian/Australian country jumpers out there! When it comes to collecting your pension... and if you've spent time in both Canada and Australia... to receive your full pension you have to prove residency in each country. Usually you can prove with stamps in a passport, but what if your passport wasn't stamped? I remember this being an issue when it came to dad applying for his pension. He'd worked 10 years in Australia before moving to Canada, worked there a few years, then back to Australia. Then back to Canada again. There were gaping holes in the information that needed to be sorted out. Like I said, am I ever glad the pension was finalized before I came on the scene! I just have to work out a straightforward money transfer!
We have been having beautiful weather here; the magnolia trees are in bloom. I am quite excited about that as I haven't seen spring blossoms since early 2011, and it's my favorite time of the year. Last week, Dad and I took a stroll down Newcastle St, through a tiny alley and out onto Rose Bay. The water lapped at the shoreline, boats bobbed on the water as the sun sparkled like diamonds across the surface. The physio at the care home had given me a strap to go behind dad's feet so they wouldn't drop off the foot rests as they usually do. It made all the difference in pushing him. Therefore, made all the difference in my attitude! I didn't have to stop every 10 paces to change his feet on the rests. As a result, it was an pleasant walk. Probably the first time both of us have been settled, and actually got to enjoy each other's company without any stresses hanging over our heads.
My brother and I visited one evening over dinner this past week. We got to sit at a table by ourselves and spread out with magazines, iPhones and newspapers. It reminded me of dinner time at home, to be able to be together. I commented to my brother afterwards that dad was never a big talker anyway. Once again realized that we can just enjoy each other's company without always having to fill it with chatter. (Note to self!) I was reading a design magazine and dad wanted to know what I was reading. I turned the magazine to him to show him. He said out loud, “Jimmy Possum”. It was so strange I turned the magazine around to look at it, and it indeed was an ad for Jimmy Possum furniture. I burst into laughter and he had a smile on his face. It's always nice to see him smile.
Next step is to transfer dad's Canadian pension to his Australian bank account. I've been assured it can be done. I have the paperwork. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly! Canada recognizes that it's citizens may want to retire elsewhere, depending on weather/family, that kind of thing. So you can move to another country and collect your pension.
Another thing of note - and am I ever glad this was done before I took over affairs - Canada and Australia have a reciprocal retirement agreement. Something you don't think about in your youth, but old age may catch up with us all some day, if we are that lucky. And I know there are a few Canadian/Australian country jumpers out there! When it comes to collecting your pension... and if you've spent time in both Canada and Australia... to receive your full pension you have to prove residency in each country. Usually you can prove with stamps in a passport, but what if your passport wasn't stamped? I remember this being an issue when it came to dad applying for his pension. He'd worked 10 years in Australia before moving to Canada, worked there a few years, then back to Australia. Then back to Canada again. There were gaping holes in the information that needed to be sorted out. Like I said, am I ever glad the pension was finalized before I came on the scene! I just have to work out a straightforward money transfer!
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| Sitting on the dock at Rose Bay |
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| View of Rose Bay |
We have been having beautiful weather here; the magnolia trees are in bloom. I am quite excited about that as I haven't seen spring blossoms since early 2011, and it's my favorite time of the year. Last week, Dad and I took a stroll down Newcastle St, through a tiny alley and out onto Rose Bay. The water lapped at the shoreline, boats bobbed on the water as the sun sparkled like diamonds across the surface. The physio at the care home had given me a strap to go behind dad's feet so they wouldn't drop off the foot rests as they usually do. It made all the difference in pushing him. Therefore, made all the difference in my attitude! I didn't have to stop every 10 paces to change his feet on the rests. As a result, it was an pleasant walk. Probably the first time both of us have been settled, and actually got to enjoy each other's company without any stresses hanging over our heads.
My brother and I visited one evening over dinner this past week. We got to sit at a table by ourselves and spread out with magazines, iPhones and newspapers. It reminded me of dinner time at home, to be able to be together. I commented to my brother afterwards that dad was never a big talker anyway. Once again realized that we can just enjoy each other's company without always having to fill it with chatter. (Note to self!) I was reading a design magazine and dad wanted to know what I was reading. I turned the magazine to him to show him. He said out loud, “Jimmy Possum”. It was so strange I turned the magazine around to look at it, and it indeed was an ad for Jimmy Possum furniture. I burst into laughter and he had a smile on his face. It's always nice to see him smile.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Modern Technology
Writing is a funny thing; it is very much a biased opinion. The way I see the situation may not be the way another may see it. I have questioned whether or not to continue writing this blog. It has changed from managing the dad’s full care, and responsibilities, to juggling the stress and work of moving him into aged care. The majority of the work is behind me, which isn't to say there is still pokey work that needs to be done! (Managing doctor's care, finances, legal paperwork, and other odds and ends.)
In the end though, this blog always served to answer the question, "How is your dad?" I know there are a lot of his friends and family who are interested in his well-being, so I will continue to make updates, maybe on a weekly basis.
In some fun news... I was informed last week that all residents will be receiving a complimentary digital photo frame. It comes with a USB that we will be able to load with pictures and dad can have something to look at while sitting in his room. (I guess this means I need to get him new glasses now!) Good thing I went a little nuts a while ago, scanning old photographs. Maybe this will give me some motivation to go to work on scanning the thousands of slides sitting in an antique chest in storage. (Outsourcing anyone?)
Also, another new program has been initiated. At the care home, they have TVs throughout displaying information such as meals, services and upcoming functions. Now friends and family can contribute to the TV channel with photos and messages.
Step 1: Visit www.web2tv.com.au and click on Send Photo.
Step 2: Upload your photos and message you want to share and click Send. Other info you will need to know...
State: New South Wales
Facility: Regis Wentworth Manor (Rose Bay)
Now I am off to try sending a photo through the system!
In the end though, this blog always served to answer the question, "How is your dad?" I know there are a lot of his friends and family who are interested in his well-being, so I will continue to make updates, maybe on a weekly basis.
In some fun news... I was informed last week that all residents will be receiving a complimentary digital photo frame. It comes with a USB that we will be able to load with pictures and dad can have something to look at while sitting in his room. (I guess this means I need to get him new glasses now!) Good thing I went a little nuts a while ago, scanning old photographs. Maybe this will give me some motivation to go to work on scanning the thousands of slides sitting in an antique chest in storage. (Outsourcing anyone?)
Also, another new program has been initiated. At the care home, they have TVs throughout displaying information such as meals, services and upcoming functions. Now friends and family can contribute to the TV channel with photos and messages.
Step 1: Visit www.web2tv.com.au and click on Send Photo.
Step 2: Upload your photos and message you want to share and click Send. Other info you will need to know...
State: New South Wales
Facility: Regis Wentworth Manor (Rose Bay)
Now I am off to try sending a photo through the system!
This Time Last Year
Recently, I have found myself playing the game of "This Time Last Year". Perhaps it has been because of the recent Canada holiday, and I was thinking of Canada Day's past. It then reminded me of something that happened about this time last year. I had been doing errands around town, and on a whim, thought I would stop in and see dad. He was not in when I arrived; his walker missing also. I had forgotten something in the car, so headed back down in the elevator to get it. Upon arriving in the lobby, who should I literally run into getting onto the elevator but dad. Without his walker. The poor man was very flustered and agitated.
When I asked where his walker was, he said he had left it on the 5th floor of the other building. Confused, I asked him how he got in there (all buildings had key FOB security) and then left his walker behind. In the end, from what I could deduce, living in a complex of four similar buildings, he got confused as to which one he lived in. Entering into another building, he must have told someone he lived on the 5th floor, and they used their FOB key to get him up there. Once up there, he would not have been able to get into an apartment, got flustered, left his walker behind and went in search of his real apartment. It so happened that I ran into him waiting for the elevator just as I stepped out into the lobby. If I had not been there, the missing walker would have been a mystery.
As it was, I did not believe his story about the walker being on the 5th floor; it made no sense. I retraced his probable footsteps all over White Rock; the lost and found in the mall, the customer service desk in the grocery store, the barber... everywhere. No walker to be found.
In speaking with dad's building manager, he recommended putting up flyer's on the bulletin boards in all the parkade elevator vestibules. Fortunately, my habit of taking pictures of everything proved fortuitous. I had a picture of the very walker, so made up "Missing" posters and splattered them up everywhere I could. The walker showed up a couple of days later; dad had indeed left in on the 5th floor of the other building.
I think of how lucky we were that I was there when he came home without the walker, and was able to take care of the situation. That was the only time that dad had troubles finding his way home. I have heard, as I am sure many others have heard as well, of dementia patients leaving their home and not being able to find their way home. That seemed to be the realization point as to the extent of the dementia; and that I was going to have to take action soon.
I do not know why I remembered this story now, or why I feel the need to share it! Guess I am thinking of how many changes have taken place in the past year. Again, I am so thankful that dad is in full care, with all eyes on him. Try as he might, he cannot pull a runner anymore!
When I asked where his walker was, he said he had left it on the 5th floor of the other building. Confused, I asked him how he got in there (all buildings had key FOB security) and then left his walker behind. In the end, from what I could deduce, living in a complex of four similar buildings, he got confused as to which one he lived in. Entering into another building, he must have told someone he lived on the 5th floor, and they used their FOB key to get him up there. Once up there, he would not have been able to get into an apartment, got flustered, left his walker behind and went in search of his real apartment. It so happened that I ran into him waiting for the elevator just as I stepped out into the lobby. If I had not been there, the missing walker would have been a mystery.
As it was, I did not believe his story about the walker being on the 5th floor; it made no sense. I retraced his probable footsteps all over White Rock; the lost and found in the mall, the customer service desk in the grocery store, the barber... everywhere. No walker to be found.
In speaking with dad's building manager, he recommended putting up flyer's on the bulletin boards in all the parkade elevator vestibules. Fortunately, my habit of taking pictures of everything proved fortuitous. I had a picture of the very walker, so made up "Missing" posters and splattered them up everywhere I could. The walker showed up a couple of days later; dad had indeed left in on the 5th floor of the other building.
I think of how lucky we were that I was there when he came home without the walker, and was able to take care of the situation. That was the only time that dad had troubles finding his way home. I have heard, as I am sure many others have heard as well, of dementia patients leaving their home and not being able to find their way home. That seemed to be the realization point as to the extent of the dementia; and that I was going to have to take action soon.
I do not know why I remembered this story now, or why I feel the need to share it! Guess I am thinking of how many changes have taken place in the past year. Again, I am so thankful that dad is in full care, with all eyes on him. Try as he might, he cannot pull a runner anymore!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Taking Care of Me
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| Watching motorbike videos from South America. |
I guess it was inevitable that the minute I slowed down I would get sick! Over three weeks of coughing, aches and pains, horrific sore throat, congestion, lethargy, to name some of the symptoms. Though maybe I am not so special as it seems that it has struck down a few. To my horror, I have developed the family seal bark... yes, you know the one... can be heard half a mile a way - BARK BARK! Anytime I laugh it descends into the sounds of a seal at play in the sea. It is quite attractive. As a result, I hadn't been to visit dad in over a week; I figured they probably have enough cases on their hands without adding to it! (Hmmm... this paragraph reminds me of something mom used to say to me - "Do you think maybe you worry about yourself too much?")
So it was my brother who went off to check up on the adventures of our dad on Saturday. I received a text from him saying the nurses had informed him that dad had been taking a few steps around that day, and was then sitting in a regular chair in the amenities room. Whaaat!? I don't show up for a few days and he's off!
The next day both of us went to visit. As is custom, we peeked into his room first. Not seeing him in his bed, we went to search out the amenity room. No where to be spotted there, either. One of the aides called out that he was in his room. Back to his room we went, only to find him sitting in the dark on his walker; a rather sheepish look on his face. Clearly he had been in bed, woke up, got up and found his way to the walker where he was sitting. Confused, my brother asked him how he got to the walker. He replied, "If you'd been here 3 minutes sooner you would have found out."
<giggle>
L then asked, "Did you see me poke my head in earlier?"
"Yes," he replied.
It was all too much for me and I burst into laughter (which promptly declined into wild animal yelps). Dad sat there with the goofiest grin on his face! What more can I say?
Never a dull moment at the care home, to be sure. I now see why people work with the elderly. Nonstop entertainment! (I am sure caring for someone might factor in as well!) I ran into my friend, coming onto the elevator. (The one who told me in one breath that I was pretty, and in the next professed that she couldn't see!) I exclaimed, "Hello! How are you today?"
She gave me her standard amused/confused look and grumped, "I wouldn't know."
Her daughter was helping her into the elevator right then and she burst into laughter. I know the feeling!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Father's Day
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| Dad doesn't have any grandchildren... don't look at me, I'm not taking all the blame! He does have a couple of cuties who come to visit once in a while!!! |
Cough, cough, sniff, hack, hack... it's the Symphony of Sydney Winter. (Though with lows of 9C and highs of 19C, it sounds much like Vancouver's June.) Everywhere you go right now, in the store, on the street, in the bus, you hear the sounds of people battling a cold. I have had one for over two weeks now, my brother has had one for over three. Other people seem to be dealing with the same symptoms... just when you think it's over, the throat flares up again, or the nose starts dripping like a faucet. You just want it to be over and feeling well again. Then I thought of people like dad, who are saddled with illness, with no break. I cannot imagine what that is like. I asked dad the other week how he was doing, and he said, "What do you think?" Suddenly, struggling with the common cold seems, well, common.
There are times when dad is very much aware of the effects of his disease. One day he said to me, "So, this is what it's about? Sitting around? It's a bit boring." Other days he doesn't seem to mind being "retired"... I went to see him the other day... he was so sleepy he couldn't even communicate a word to me. I am having a hard time believing how far his disease has come in the past year. This time a year ago, he was still living on his own, albeit with growing assistance. Now he needs assistance for everything.
I often recall a long phone conversation I had with him about this time last year. Looking back, I realize it would be one of the the last conversations I had with him. His speech was failing him before his fall last September, and the fall was the last straw. Now dad, like most dads, didn't have much time for talking on the phone. That time, however, I spoke to him for over an hour... just about his situation, my situation. I have just realized that while I have been missing my mom, I have also been missing dad as well. I was always "daddy's girl"... and for good reason. He was always grounded, perceptive, intelligent. I could always count on his opinion to be the right one, no matter how much I disliked it. Ha... no doubt many a teen aged argument stemmed from this!
I recall being little, waking up with worries and searching out mom. One look at my face and she would tell me to go find my dad. There was one particular time in high school when I was going through a particular worrisome patch... dad was steady and calm in listening to my fears, and alleviated them for me.
I leaned on that steadiness my whole life... so perhaps that explains my hysteria throughout this whole experience. I have lost the stability I relied on my whole life.... when I needed it the most. I guess that means it is time to grow up... and learn from the example I was given.
Mom passed on a story just before she passed away... that when they would walk down the street, dad would always walk on the street side of the road and she would walk on the inside. She said he was a gentleman in that regard... and made her feel cherished and protected.
In writing this, I have just clued in that it is coming up Father's Day in North America on June 17. It is not Father's Day in Australia until September. So it feels an appropriate time to remember the fathers in our lives. If we have been fortunate enough to have such a figure in our lives... a steady, sensible, stable influence. The men who rise each morning, week in, year out to provide for their families. Who work hard, and take on the constant stress of mortgages, rents, bills, food, clothing, transport, education. Who not only provide, but guide and encourage, and if they have anything left over after all that... entertain! And without too much complaint, I may add. Dad worked as a labourer his whole life... putting his body and soul into it. Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not recall him complaining about his lot in life. He may have been tired or frustrated with the job at hand... but he never complained about having a family to provide for.
These words feel a bit trivial in light of what has been given to us. That is what Father's Day is all about, I guess... an acknowledgement of the sacrifice and love given to families by fathers. If we were one of the lucky ones.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
10,000 Hits!!
This blog has just crossed over 10,000 hits! If I didn't know better, I'd say it was just one little person, sitting on their basement computer, hitting the refresh key for want of something better to do! But I do know better... so many have reached out to say they have been thinking of us and to share their best wishes.
What started as a place for me to share a bit of the struggle of what it is to have a family member suffer with Parkinson's Disease D (OK, and maybe have a bit of a vent) has morphed into an account of the decision to move to Australia, the setbacks prior to leaving, then the sheer volume of work of settling dad into a care home and wrapping up outstanding items. I laugh now at how I naively thought I'd have dad settled by the end of 2011 and then get back to living my life. Now, seven months in, I'm still not sorted out! Definitely the majority is behind me, but still quite a bit to go.
Looking back, I'm amazed by how things fell into place, as difficult as it has been. People often ask if dad was on a wait list very long for his care home. Indeed, that had always been a worry... to get dad settled in a chosen place in case the choice was take out of our hands. But the room was waiting for him in Rose Bay when we arrived, he went into it as respite and was able to remain there. In hindsight, it was a smooth transition, but at the time, the not-knowing was very much a worry. So I am truly thankful that that room was waiting for dad...
Once dad was settled into care, well... at least the paperwork was sorted out. We were given six months to get the financials sorted out. Next up was Canadian taxes, and organizing all that paperwork to send back to the Canadian accountant. No rest for the wicked, as the very next day, we went into getting the house sold, and all the paperwork that went along with that.
Which brings us up to now. Still left with transferring finances from Canada to Australia, which is turning out to be another headache. Am shaking my head at the lack of professionalism from, well, professionals. A common courtesy email to say that they are in my receipt of my request would be nice. I have lost count of the number of times I have had to follow up on work I have sent out, only to find out nothing has been done... basically doubling my work load! There I go, venting again!!
Our six month grace period with the care home will just about be here... so as frustrating as all of this is, I am thankful that the house did sell in the nick of time. Seems like we'll be in just under the wire once again. Ah well, wouldn't be the same without my old friend, Mr. Panic.
Hmmm... by the time I am finally finished sorting dad out... this blog will probably be up to 100,000 hits!! Thanks again to everyone for your support and understanding... seems we are going to need it for just a while longer!! ;)
~ Donna ~
What started as a place for me to share a bit of the struggle of what it is to have a family member suffer with Parkinson's Disease D (OK, and maybe have a bit of a vent) has morphed into an account of the decision to move to Australia, the setbacks prior to leaving, then the sheer volume of work of settling dad into a care home and wrapping up outstanding items. I laugh now at how I naively thought I'd have dad settled by the end of 2011 and then get back to living my life. Now, seven months in, I'm still not sorted out! Definitely the majority is behind me, but still quite a bit to go.
Looking back, I'm amazed by how things fell into place, as difficult as it has been. People often ask if dad was on a wait list very long for his care home. Indeed, that had always been a worry... to get dad settled in a chosen place in case the choice was take out of our hands. But the room was waiting for him in Rose Bay when we arrived, he went into it as respite and was able to remain there. In hindsight, it was a smooth transition, but at the time, the not-knowing was very much a worry. So I am truly thankful that that room was waiting for dad...
Once dad was settled into care, well... at least the paperwork was sorted out. We were given six months to get the financials sorted out. Next up was Canadian taxes, and organizing all that paperwork to send back to the Canadian accountant. No rest for the wicked, as the very next day, we went into getting the house sold, and all the paperwork that went along with that.
Which brings us up to now. Still left with transferring finances from Canada to Australia, which is turning out to be another headache. Am shaking my head at the lack of professionalism from, well, professionals. A common courtesy email to say that they are in my receipt of my request would be nice. I have lost count of the number of times I have had to follow up on work I have sent out, only to find out nothing has been done... basically doubling my work load! There I go, venting again!!
Our six month grace period with the care home will just about be here... so as frustrating as all of this is, I am thankful that the house did sell in the nick of time. Seems like we'll be in just under the wire once again. Ah well, wouldn't be the same without my old friend, Mr. Panic.
Hmmm... by the time I am finally finished sorting dad out... this blog will probably be up to 100,000 hits!! Thanks again to everyone for your support and understanding... seems we are going to need it for just a while longer!! ;)
~ Donna ~
Monday, May 28, 2012
SOLD!
The apartment in White Rock is well and truly sold! The new owner took possession last week. After wondering if it was ever going to sell, and having the requisite 'get your hopes up moments', it finally sold. Lots of smoke and finally a fire. After months of trying to sell it, in the end, the closing date happened pretty quickly. It feels a bit strange for it to be gone. There were lots of happy memories, but in the later years, many more sad memories. It's sad to say goodbye, but we must keep moving forward in this journey, whatever that may be. A big thank you to our real estate agent and his team for their tireless efforts in selling the place... from showings, to email updates, to phone calls... we really could not have done it without you!
However, the drama doesn't end there. In a another twist, 25% of the proceeds of the sale have been held back by the Canadian government until we issue the necessary documentation deeming the residence to be dad's primary residence. Dad is now a non-resident, hence the government stepping in for a piece of the action. (Not sure there was anyway around this... was not able to sell dad's place while he was living in it for obvious reasons.) We were put on to a tax accountant specializing in foreign clients. I emailed him the necessary paperwork to get the ball rolling. What did I get in return? An automated response saying that he was away on his annual two week holiday. No mention to me that he would be out of town for two whole weeks. While dad's nursing home waits for the bond money, racking up hundreds of dollars in interest as we wait. Well, what was I expecting... everything wrapped up neat and tidy and topped with a bow!?
In addition to my infinite medical knowledge, property expertise and financial planning, I can now add international banking to my 'Skills-I-Never-Knew-I-Would-Acquire' list. I am on first name basis with bank officers in two countries, and am learning the ins and outs of swift codes and foreign exchange rates. Needless to say, it's a bit of a worry, transferring multiple amounts of money overseas. I will be glad when it is complete.
On the dad side of things; he seems to have recovered from his chest infection. So glad he is under medical supervision... while it is a worry, at least it's not the "I can't breathe, I'm so so worried and am about to have another panic attack" worry of the past. Must mean we have made some progress! One thing dad hasn't lost is his sense of humor! Always when dad got a hair cut, we would remark about him having a hair cut... and he would always say, "Yes, the hair just over my left ear." Oh, hahaha. Last week I noticed that he had a haircut, so repeated his joke to him. He had a big smile on his face. I took it one further and said, "You've had your ears lowered." Oh dear, we laughed. ;)
I will leave you with a quote I came across this past week ;) I think someone wrote it with me in mind ... Don't let the sadness of the past, or the fear of the future, rob the happiness of the present.
However, the drama doesn't end there. In a another twist, 25% of the proceeds of the sale have been held back by the Canadian government until we issue the necessary documentation deeming the residence to be dad's primary residence. Dad is now a non-resident, hence the government stepping in for a piece of the action. (Not sure there was anyway around this... was not able to sell dad's place while he was living in it for obvious reasons.) We were put on to a tax accountant specializing in foreign clients. I emailed him the necessary paperwork to get the ball rolling. What did I get in return? An automated response saying that he was away on his annual two week holiday. No mention to me that he would be out of town for two whole weeks. While dad's nursing home waits for the bond money, racking up hundreds of dollars in interest as we wait. Well, what was I expecting... everything wrapped up neat and tidy and topped with a bow!?
In addition to my infinite medical knowledge, property expertise and financial planning, I can now add international banking to my 'Skills-I-Never-Knew-I-Would-Acquire' list. I am on first name basis with bank officers in two countries, and am learning the ins and outs of swift codes and foreign exchange rates. Needless to say, it's a bit of a worry, transferring multiple amounts of money overseas. I will be glad when it is complete.
On the dad side of things; he seems to have recovered from his chest infection. So glad he is under medical supervision... while it is a worry, at least it's not the "I can't breathe, I'm so so worried and am about to have another panic attack" worry of the past. Must mean we have made some progress! One thing dad hasn't lost is his sense of humor! Always when dad got a hair cut, we would remark about him having a hair cut... and he would always say, "Yes, the hair just over my left ear." Oh, hahaha. Last week I noticed that he had a haircut, so repeated his joke to him. He had a big smile on his face. I took it one further and said, "You've had your ears lowered." Oh dear, we laughed. ;)
I will leave you with a quote I came across this past week ;) I think someone wrote it with me in mind ... Don't let the sadness of the past, or the fear of the future, rob the happiness of the present.
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